Live 4 The Moment

2011-08-04T21:51:00.001+08:00

I love u more with every breath truly, madly, deeply do.

=)

2011-05-22T15:27:00.001+08:00

Plus decal of this on the rear side

Almost there...very fucking soon..excited like mad...

=)

2011-04-03T02:47:00.001+08:00

The week spent with you was nothing less then spectacular

From cooking pasta to sentosa to our dinner together, I can't help but just smile everytime I think about it.

It's true that even I didn't expect this to happen but ever since our first...erm..."outing", you have left such a huge impression on me that you have never left my head at all.

"I need your touch..your kiss..your love..your taste
I just can't get enough of your hugs, your heart
To move every star
To all the times
You're always on my mind"

=)

2011-03-13T14:48:00.001+08:00

Best night that I had in a long time. Thank you

=)

2011-01-14T10:39:00.003+08:00

Days past:

1996 ~ present

Haikal, Azlin

2000 ~ present

Din and Timothy

2001 ~ 2004

Adelene

24/9/2005 ~ 2008

Wani

2006 ~ Present

Ameer, Aizat, Aslinda, Aynniza, Ayu, Eric, Effy, Iz, Farhana, Syafiqah, Yazid

1987 ~ ?????

I lost myself somewhere.......

Yesterday night was....different.....

Met up with Fana to have a nice chat with her at Jurong Hill and went back at 10 plus. After my prayers, my heart went heavy and i can't stop thinking about the past. Doesn't have to take a genius to know my emo mode was on. Went to my mom's room to watch her sleep and i couldn't help but to tear. So much has change. I really wonder if i have change along with these changing times?

And i just couldn't help but to feel so damn lonely last night. I wanted to call someone, to have a listening ear but i just didn't know what to tell them. How can i possibly explain to them what is it that i'm feeling when i myself don't even know what's bothering me?

And not to mention, i just had the urge to call Wani so badly just to find out how she's doing. My head was so damn messed up that i just needed to get some fresh air badly and guess what this genius brain thought off? Boon lay with Emi's bike. And i did meet wani by the way. It was really good to catch up with her and knowing she's fine and it really did help.

What is it about me?
What is my damn problem?
What's wrong with me?

I don't have answers.
I'm scared i haven't change for the better.
I'm finding it difficult to step up as the older brother
I fear of losing those whom are dear to me.
Without making a strong impression on them
Cos i have done so much wrong.

I just want to make it right.......

2011-01-07T03:27:00.001+08:00

There will come a time when you think that everything is finished.

That will be the beginning

=)

2010-12-18T00:15:00.001+08:00

The last time I went for a holiday, which was KL, I was too preoccupied trying to recover from a break up. Now, three years later, there ain't no such thing. I'm gonna party my ass off and make sure I'll remember this.

=)

2010-12-10T11:51:00.002+08:00

EXCITED LIKE FUCK!!!!

I'M A WEEK AWAY FROM MY HOLIDAY!!!

*JUMPS LIKE A SCREAMING LUNATIC FANGIRL*

Off day is awesome =)

Batteries are recharged and ankle is feeling better.

Met up with Vivin yesterday to catch Hello stranger at Jurong point. Totally an awesome movie. Laughed my ass off all night. Walked her home and Yashin kept me company for the rest of the journey.

This is a story of how one night can weigh a tonne

2010-12-07T10:50:00.002+08:00

Ankle hurts like crazy.

Flu is starting to annoy the shit outta me.

How the hell do you switch off the valve to a running nose anyway??

I swear i'm a workaholic now 0_0!!

I'm a mess indeed.

On a lighter note!

1 more week to holiday!

I am very happy with my progress of life after NS.

And i can't stop listening to my blog song right now.

Come back
So i can say thank you for these
Home cooked meals and a place
To rest my troubled head when you're away
I've passed the test, I've earned an A
Not just in school but in life
You'll always be right by my side
To help me show hope to all
That are lost and sick of this dying world
I'll use the love that you left behind
I'll change their minds
I'll change their minds

This is not what it is only baby scars

I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side

2010-12-05T23:55:00.001+08:00

I'm a mess right now..

=(

2010-11-29T15:59:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since we all sat down and laugh our ass off.

Let's do it again soon =)

2010-11-18T11:30:00.001+08:00

There's not a single day that passed by where I don't think about you

I tried hard to stay awake everyday to go online to see if u are there

Everyday I could feel it build up inside me

I kept myself busy with more work now because I don't want to let it take over me

I've never been the one to say the first words to you..

Not because I don't care about u

It's because I don't want u to worry.

Because I don't want to succumb to it.

I don't want to be weak.

But the truth is.....

I miss my ya kun buddy.

I miss my teasing birdie.

I miss my mix blood tattoo artist..

I miss u

More and more as each day pass

=(

P.s I dunno why..but mcd burgers tastes better now...

2010-11-18T02:31:00.001+08:00

$2300/month

Should I or shouldn't I??

2010-11-14T14:02:00.001+08:00

It's only been 2 weeks since I started working and rumours are spreading around like wildfire!

I like this girl la, that girl likes me la..

One word: ME RE PEK!!!

The one I want is......

=)

2010-11-09T03:20:00.001+08:00

Addicted.......

"and all the friends laid down the flowers,
sit on the banks and drink for hours,
talk of the way they saw him last,
local boy in the photograph"

2010-11-07T19:08:00.003+08:00

Guess who i just got off the webcam with??!?!?!?!

Miss Sharifah!!!

Her showing her really white teeth! Grrr

HAHAHAHAHA... YAY!!! Finally get to webcam with you.

Super awesome that you're havinga fantastic time there. Still a loooong time for you to enjoy yourself there.. hahaahaha

Say hi to AGGHHHHMAD for me!! :)

Miss ya :)

2010-11-06T04:35:00.001+08:00

Eeeeee!! Bingit!!

You're full of chino msn!!!!!

2010-11-05T04:47:00.001+08:00

Mr writer.
Why don't you tell it like it really is?
Why can't you tell me like it always is??

2010-11-01T02:25:00.002+08:00

Have a safe flight.
Don't skip your meals.
Please get your sleep.
Have loads of fun there.
Whether it be work or leisure.
Come back safely.
I won't be able to see you fly off
But I'll be waiting for the day that you'll come back with that smile.
You'll be missed.
=(

2010-10-30T11:38:00.000+08:00

Where is god in this rot?

2010-10-18T23:02:00.002+08:00

My love you used to be a sweet dream,
Now you're a beautiful nightmare
Either way,
I just wanna sleep without you

2010-10-15T17:04:00.001+08:00

I climb,
So high
Blows me away sometimes

=)

2010-09-30T00:42:00.004+08:00

Excuse my long absence from blogging.

It's not that i don't have anything to blog about or that i'm having a writer's block.

No no no.

I have tons of things to write about!

But i guess right now, to blog about anything would be useless.

I am very very tempted to close this blog for good.

Why?

Because somewhere along the way, i lost the main reason why i started this blog

This place was suppose to be my fun place.

Where i can just let my "creative" mind take control of my fingers and just go Wily Wonka crazy on anything and everything

But look at it now!

Sad posts???!!

Really??

Ranting??

OMG!

I am starting to be like that geisha aunty in the train.

*SCene of her screaming plegnant ah plegnant ah starts playing in my head*

CLASSIC

Well, the only reason why i'm posting right now is actually cos i'm waiting for Pinocchio to get home so we can finish her work.

WEIII!!!!

PINOCCHIO!!!

MANA KAMU!!!!

Oh well..Another chapter is closing real soon. Time to get a little more serious in life.

I am not gonna blog again until i have achieved everything that i am aiming for.

So until then

Goodbye bloggie =(

Goodbye readers =(

and goodbye stalkers =(

2010-09-05T00:54:00.001+08:00

Thank you.
It was awesome to see all of you again.
Should have more outings ya?

2010-09-04T01:41:00.006+08:00

I've been trying to sleep since 9 and i'm awake no thanks to the few calls that i got. What's worse was that all of the calls i got was stupid. I know about the train disruption la! PFFT!

I saw some photos of my ITE days and i was like "OH MY GOD! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?"

Or maybe, i wasn't thinking at all. Hmmm.

Well, without further delay, lemme upload the pictures.

Now, let me first warn you. Some of the pictures that i'm uploading isn't for the minor to see. Really, i will not be blamed if their still-young brains learn or picked up anything bad just from seeing these pictures. And no, there was no animal that was harmed in these pictures. Why did i just say that? Well to put it simply, there's a lot of animal abuse cases recently and i'm just playing it safe.

Alright. This picture first just to warm you people up. Wait ~ wait. It's gonna get better.

Ok. Seriously. What the fuck is with my hair?? Why is it like that?? What am i doing??? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Oh god!!!! Irritating!! And why am i holding that BARNEY!!!!! I HATE BARNEY!!!!!!!

I don't know what is worse! That piqahpi was chasing me with the damn hell mutated purple dinosaur freak or the fact that my hair is sooooo damn gay!!! I look like a butch!! Tak laku punya!!! EEEEEEEEEEEritating

I got no comments on this picture. No. Not because it's bad and that there's no words that i can use to justify it. It's just that i really got nothing to say about this picture. And due to my flu, i'm really having a hard time trying to think of something to type right now. Well, the cone does look very SEXY though. Shit....Makes me wanna go to Mac right now...

Before there was wonder girls, there was the amazing boys. No, we're not popstars. We're just monitor promoters.

My mom said i was cute when i was a baby when i wore a beanie. Well, i guess my cuteness wore off as the years passed.

OK! Those were still reasonable aren't they? If you have survived all that without laughing out your lungs, then i admire your stamina. A warning though. ONLY SCROLL DOWN IF YOU ARE PREPARED TO DIE. THESE MAY/WILL KILL YOU!

So totally not your knight in shining armor i am. FAIL

....................................Fuck the paparazzi man........Nobody was suppose to know that i was made in China..............................................................

KENAPA HAFIZ!!!! KENAPA!!!!!

I asked for a thong. But they said if i were to wear their thongs, it'll snap. So they recommended me underwear three sizes below my size. They said "Same thong same thong"

Well..There you have it. I feel sorry for Wani. I now know why you left!!! Perempuan mana la yg boleh layan karena aku ni. Hahahahaha.

My mom said and i quote, "Ya Allah Hafiz. Mama kesiankan Wani(ex), matair kau ngan kau nye bini in the future. Apa la nasib diorang boleh jatuh cinta ngan kau. Tak betul."

Oh well. Time for me to sleep. I got a freaking splitting headache man.

Everything that you see here.
Is for you
From me

Poignant

2010-09-02T09:02:00.001+08:00

I'd rather shut the hell up then talk about it.

I don't trust myself on what I feel and how I feel about it anymore

No point.. seriously...

2010-08-26T02:13:00.004+08:00

Thank you.

Thank you oh lappie for crashing when i was blogging halfway.

It was a damn good post too and now it's all gone.

Pfft.

So i'm just gonna post a stupid video instead.

Well.

Don't blame me.

Could have been a great post.

Blame Acer.

2010-08-11T22:15:00.002+08:00

It's been so long since we last met up with each other. Wish the attendance could have been better but in the end, just the 4 of us was more then enough.

So we all made our way to erm.... Fish...Can't remember what it's called... Mind's cafe was it?? Ah Blubber nuggets ah sembarang ah. Once there, we played like a total of 4 board games.

Taboo- I suck at this!!! I can't draw!! And iz cheated!!!

Some Dinosaur bone game- I hate trading with this 3 people..Nobody gives me the right cards..Mintak kene tendang..And SOMEBODY CHEATED..MANY TIMES

Monopoly Deal- Oh yeah!!! I RULE in this game!! BWahahahah!! Better luck next time ppl..Especially the one yg got all pissed at the end of both games..bwahahahaha

I'm the boss- She won..Pfft...hahahaha...fun game..Can't believe that i was 2nd when i kept quiet during most of the deals..lol..

JENGA- BLACK SUCKED AT THIS. FULL STOP.

Went back home quite early.

And she knew...Shit... Hahaha.

Black : Chey..Dah abang body se skarang..Good to see you again Ex-teacher aizat. Bring us to Arnolds after ramadhan aight! And good luck with your FYP overseas. Better not come back with a pinoy wife u ass.

Iz: PENIPU HARAM!! Banyak kau nye nak kene gi skola!! HAHAHAHA. It's been a loooong time since i saw you man. Glad that you're doing ok. I know you're pretty stressed out about your fyp and your dad keeping on bugging u to put the furniture up. So give me a call more often will you?? I'll go to CCK to hang out more with u and piqahpi!

Piqahpi: First and foremost, YOUR HAIR IS NICE LA!!! Thanks eh for making me imagine a whole lot of different hairstyles on you. GRRRR. Drama betul se. Thanks for planning out the outing and for bringing us to the cafe. Had fun and yes, i am very very very the ecstatic to see u again. I was actually crying when you said i can only meet you one year later..ok la...teared...ok la..i teared cos got dust in my eyes...pfft..hahaha.. Thank you =) For asking..For noticing =)

Meet my new buddy, Yamboo!! I soooo wanted to bring him home!!! GRRRRRR

Well, sorry for the boring post...nothing much to say. So this is Yamboo saluting off!!

2010-08-04T23:06:00.007+08:00

I started drawing this when i was thinking of you.
Why roses?
If you could recall, it started 4 years ago.
When Friendster was the hip and happening social network site.
I won't paste what I wrote here.
It's better if you find it and read it for yourself.
It's in your testimonial board so jgn malas k.

It's sad to know what you're going through.
Every time you showed your pain, i get real hurt
That i can't even start to feel mine.
Boring? Not one bit.
Simple? It's your style.
How could he miss something that's so special to me?
I can only wonder.
You don't deserve getting these heartaches.
When you look sooo much better with a smile on your face.
Hearing you cry.
Listening to your frustration.
I just hope you don't stop believing.
In love.
In yourself.
In your future.
In people.
Cos my dear Nur Syafiqah.
You're amazing just the way you are.
And i promise you.
For as long God allows me to be,
i'll be there.
Whenever you need me.
Whenever you feel like you need a shoulder.
Whenever you need a listening ear.
Whenever you feel like you need to let go of your frustrations.
Whenever you need to smile.
Whenever you wish to laugh.
And i want you to know that i believe in you.
Even if you don't believe in yourself.

I'm dedicating my blog song to you piqahpi.
A beautiful song.
Which sums up everything that i feel about you.
I pray for your silver lining.
And i really am gonna miss you when you go to Maldives.
Who's gonna complain to me when you're gone se??
Hahahaha.

Bruno Mars - Just the way you are

Oh her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining.
Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying.
She's so beautiful, and I tell her everyday.

Yeaaa. I know, I know when I compliment her she won't believe me.
And it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what i see.
But everytime she ask me 'Do I look okay?' I say..

When I see your face (face, face) there's not a thing that I would change.
Cause you're amazing just the way you are.
And when you smile (smile, smile) the whole world stops
and stares for a while.
Cause girl, you're amazing just the way you are.

Yeaaa!

Her lips, her lips I could kiss them all day if she let me.
Her laugh, her laugh she hates but I think it's so sexy.
She's so beautiful, and I tell her everyday.

Ohhh you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change.
If perfect's what your searching for then just stay the same.
Sooo don't even bother asking if you look okay, you know I'll say...

When I see your face (face, face) there's not a thing that I would change.
Cause you're amazing just the way you are.
And when you smile (smile, smile) the whole world stops
and stares for a while.
Cause girl, you're amazing just the way you are.

The way you are.
The way you are.
Girl you're amazing, just the way you are.

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change.
Cause you're amazing just the way you are.
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while.
Cause girl, you're amazing just the way you are.

Yeaaa.

I'm gonna try my damn hardest to bring this girl back.

2010-07-28T13:05:00.007+08:00

This is an awesome awesome present. Sits perfectly on top of my stereo or my shoulder. Who needs a pet dog when you can have a dragon??

So many things to update!

23rd July 2010

Went to catch two midnight movie with an old friend whom i haven't been seeing for months. Sadly, every time that I do contact her, she would either be heartbroken or feel like shitting. Very depressing indeed!!!

Our initial plan was to watch Despicable me(YAY) and Eclipse(kesian) but due to god's blessing(THANK YOU!!!) they weren't screening Eclipse anymore for that night. I suggested to watch The Crazies instead cos i knew she loves zombie-type genre movies.

OH I SURVIVED THIS!!! I SURVIVED THIS!!! OH GOD YES I SURVIVED THIS!!! I SHOULD WIN A MEDAL!!!

I only realized what i got myself into only after we bought the tickets. I was going "Shit la..Me and my big mouth." "Why did i have to suggest this??" "Why can't we watch Dora the Explorer instead??" "I'm gonna pee in my pants in the theatre". Oh and she wasn't helping with all the biting and the erm...predatory growling and stuff. Gila punya perempuan.

My rating for this movie??

3/5

Why??

It's the same typical zombie movie.

Break out, containment, failure, Nuclear.

I guess the only difference about this movie from the rest is that the infected are actually CRAZY! Thus the movie title name! Go figure! I am NOT making sense!

The best part about the movie would be the number of times that SHE ACTUALLY JUMPED IN SHOCK AND FEAR!! LOL!!!!! NAK TAKUTKAN ORANG KONON!!! PFFT!

Tip to survive such movie! <-- This one is for you shiera!!: Wear specs. So that the person beside you won't know that you're closing your eyes!!

After that was over and done with, rewarded myself with this:

Absolutely awesome!

I give it a 5/5!

She was laughing like mad. I was actually fascinated. The minions was really a joy to watch! I wanna watch this a second time cos i noticed that they all do something random and stupid every time in the background and i think i missed a few. Shit la.

A MUST WATCH for everyone. And for those who think cartoons are a waste of time and for those who doesn't have a sense of humor. You can fuck yourself!

You told.
I listened.
I hope you will keep in mind what i've said.
I know you well.
I know you won't.
I just hope that the next mistake won't be a costly one.
Hope you had a good time. =)

I hope life will treat you better. Smile more will you?? Asyik nak serious je!

26th July 2010

Went to catch another movie with this Haikal(see below) and Bob(no picture..tak le fit into the screen)

Which is thinner? The extinguisher or him??

What did we watch??

I can't believe I didn't want to watch this at the first place. A very clever movie. Well planned with a really cool concept. It wasn't hard to understand. Ken Watanabe was way harder to understand then the storyline.

I give this a 4.5/5.

Why the 0.5?

Ask Ken Watanabe. Sad though. He's cool but....pfft...

Oh and Haikal kept getting shocked and it's not even a horror movie! Bwahahahaha

I've been dying to buy one. I just wish i have more money. A beauty isn't she?? Sigh.. *Swoons* I WANT I WANT I WANT!!!!! MoMMY!!! Chip in a few hundred for me can???

Oh and it's almost the end of JULY!!!

I'm soooo close to finishing my NS

PHEEWIT!!!

Oh and Edy Zufri. Thank you for teaching me how to play poker.

But i suggest that you don't ever bet with me again at it.

COS I WILL OWN YOU SO BAD!!!

SO AS PROMISED... I AM POSTING THIS IN MY BLOG TO SHOW HOW I OWNED YOUR ASS!!!!

PADAN MUKA KAU SYAITAN!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAA

I wanna meet up with you
And show you what i'm thinking
I'll take you anywhere
That you wanna go.
I'm sitting here bored and lonely
And you know that anytime you're free
To show me how you feel
I'll take it anywhere that you want to go
Anywhere that you want to go

2010-07-18T22:01:00.006+08:00

No doubt in life,
You will meet people who will come and go like passing clouds in the sky.
But some are there to stay.
Some may even end up taking a much more important role in your life.
I met one such person 4 years ago.
And through the years, we have bonded well.
We have seen each other grow.
We have been there for each other as much as we could.
We face many similar problems
And there's no one else who could understand what we are going through
Amazing.
Amazing how you managed to make me forget about it all.
With just a smile and with the things that you say.
Thank you so much Nur Syafiqah.
You truly are one of those that i treasure most.

It's been a rough week.
I envy those who are just laughing out loud at just the thought of being alive.
Could i just be you tonight??

2010-07-11T19:07:00.003+08:00

PREDATORS!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE PREDATORS!!!

Was suppose to meet up with Piqahpi and Linds for dinner and board games but piqahpi ended up canceling due to having to represent her family to attend a family event.

Fizzy thinks: Man it sucks right?? Having to represent your family to attend an event. You went alone and then you have no idea what to do and have to LIE to them why your family can't come. PFFFT

Due to her canceling, Haikal and me ended up playing pool at Arena Country Club and having dinner at TenderBest with our usual order of Spring chicken and Cheesefries. We were slacking at Haikal's place when i received a text from piqahpi again saying that she wanna go out cos she was bored and VOila!! A midnight movie date to Vivo City!

Fizzy Thinks: FUCK GUYS WITH CUBES!!

Met up with her at Jurong East and of course, she was late. As USUAL! <-- HAHAHA Sorry.

Oh oh oh! I got a huge compliment from some of the new staffs at GV! They said i look younger then my brother! And that i look better!!! WOOO HOOO!!!!

Anyway the movie was good i guess. I don't want to rate it cos i'm just gonna be bias in my judgment of the movie. It was definitely worth all the screams coming from piqahpi though. HAHAHAHA!!

In the theatre

Scene #1
Syaq: Aiyooo Hafiz. Nanti terkejut!

Me: Diam Ah! Kita tengok Siapa terkejut dulu!

*5 minutes after the movie start*

Syaq: Muh! *looks at me hoping i didn't see her got shocked*

Me: Baru start se!

Scene #2
Syaq: What's that? His hand?

Me: No, that's his spine.

Syaq: Eh? Really? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

LOL.

Thanks Piqahpi for the awesome time. And i swear i think i got a popcorn in my ear thanks to u ah. Or it could just be my ear wax. Hahaha.

P.S: I just realized that we rarely take pictures together. Why eh?

2010-07-09T18:56:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Mommy!

I pray for your good health and may you live long to see your grandchildren all grown up. I'm glad you liked the new phone that i got you cos face it, that old phone that you have is a disgrace. Bangla nampak pun bangla ketawa.

Oh and thanks for making me carry all of your shopping bags. Maklumlah, anak kamu ni kan sungguh la punya kuat kan. Hahaha. Love ya mommy. Smile more. =)

serenity

2010-07-06T16:43:00.000+08:00

East Coast Park

In line skating

Beautiful weather

Watching Passerbys

I just realized how much I missed this and how I wish I can do this more often. The long bus rides. The same mushroom Swiss meal that I will always have when I'm here. The best thing abt this place is that it's the only place where I get to think calmly and rationally. Maybe it's just the peace that I feel here then the depressing hell hole at home.

After much thinking, I think Im better off on my own. I'm thankful that you've been honest with me and I'm quite sure that this is gonna be good for the both of us. I apologize for making this decision for the both of us. And I apologize cos I don't think that things will be getting back to good but hey, I'm still here and if u need anything, u know how to find me. Plus I'm easy to replace so that shouldn't be a problem. Thank you so much =)

I've been hesitant before and stopped myself. But I guess now is the right time to finish what I've started 4 years ago.. Time to get that bike license..

talk

2010-07-04T19:57:00.000+08:00

I need a little more luck then a little bit.
Cos everytime I get stuck the words won't fit
And everytime that I tried, I get tongue tied.
I need a little more luck to get me by.

I need a little more help then a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cos everytime that I tried I get tongue tied
I need a little more luck to get me by..

2010-06-29T17:26:00.005+08:00

Welcome my dear readers to the June monsoon. Waking up in the morning to the sound of raindrops hitting your windows or the roar of the thunder is starting to feel like a daily routine. Not to mention the major floods that's been happening. Singapore nak kene langgar ngan todak lagi very soon.

Went to catch 2 movies recently (still no killers. Bye bye ashton.) with this girl down here:

Met up with her at Pioneer Station at 1 (ok fine...later then 1...i was late...sorry) and made our way to Cineleisure. P.s( Can i just stop here right now and say that you actually look gorgeous that day and i actually felt underdressed) When we got to Orchard, found out that it was pouring like mad.

Ok. Baffle cases

Baffling case #1 : She was actually laughing maniacally while we were making our way to cineleisure under the pouring rain.

Baffling case #2 : The umbrella didn't help much. I was still soaked from my pants downwards. Didn't have a choice. I have to give her some of my part of the umbrella cos she was wearing white pants and i didn't want her to get wet.

Reached and then the worse part of the day was here. Deciding what movie to watch. After some very tough deciding factors( ok..we just scissors paper stoned our way out of this) decided to catch the two movies

Karate kid was good i guess. I'd give it a 3 out of 5 bueno cos it was a remake and that means i know how the story was gonna end.

Point to note:

#1: I told you kids with corn rows are cute!!!
#2: My muscles are bigger and i hope to god he doesn't become like taylor lautner!!
#3: Shiera, you're a racist. Cos part budak cina tu je, you start to be jumpy
#4: Kang Kang was in the movie

Next!

Couldn't remember when i had a back to back movie marathon and this was my first after such a long long long time ago. Knight and day was good. Mainly because it made her squirm and scream like crazy!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Seriously, i was hoping for more gore scenes. 4 out of 5 bueno for this one.

It was awesome and i had to thank you miss shiera for the awesome night.

Other things to take note:

I helped her draw. Yes. I drew something. Though simple. I held a pencil and actually begged it to cooperate with me for once. Hahaha.

Firehouse Concert is sooon!!!! Tml actually!! My goodness. I can't wait.

Oh and i kinda miss this.

The same four chords. =)

2010-06-24T22:27:00.002+08:00

I don't know what you want.
You said you care.
But look at how it is now.
This has all been nothing but a consequence of your actions
You lied to yourself
I didn't.
While you were out there busy trying to find my replacement
I was here weeping and praying that you'd come back.
I did a lot of things to try to win you back
I went against a lot of people
I changed a lot about myself just to show you that i'm serious.
But you didn't care.
And now i've started to let things go slowly and surely
Face it.
You didn't give me a chance not because you were scared that i'll hurt you again
You didn't give me a chance cos YOU didn't give YOURSELF a chance.
And the reason why you couldn't forget about me and move on
Was because you know i was the best damn thing in that 3 years of your life
Even though i wasn't at my best.
Even if you were, as you said to Haikal, unhappy with the relationship.
I'm so sorry Nur Syazwani.
I don't know what i'm apologizing for
Maybe because i feel sorry that you were once so dear to me
And now we barely even say a word to each other now.
Thank you for making me learn my lesson.
Thank you. For breaking me to pieces.
For new life can't be started without crumbling old walls.

This is your time to weep
This is your time to mourn
Not yet time to build up
Just the time to tear down old walls
Old walls.

2010-06-22T21:20:00.003+08:00

Went to Sakura buffet with my mom just now to cure her hunger illness. Not to mention, she was very bitchy towards me today, nagging at EVERY SINGLE THING about me.

Really, if not for the unlimited supply of food, i would have ear cancer.

"Look at you, you look like a sloth"

I just woke up from sleep la se!

"Don't you ever comb your hair?"

I haven't touched a comb since sec 3 and only now you noticed?

"Be more responsible la bang! you're already 23"

Then who the hell has been doing my laundry and wadeva else that needs to be done in this house?? My pet mouse??

"Stop being so childish. You're so immature."

Where did you think i got all that from?

"Where's your table manners??"

I know how to use the fork and the spoon :D

"Look at your dressing. You look so sloppy"

Who the hell am i trying to impress???

"I'm worried for your future!"

I'm more worried for my ears right now.

"Your future wife is gonna suffer with you."

I'm certain i'm gonna suffer more then her.

"I'm not gonna let you marry until I am happy with how you turn out"

Are you actually that scared to let me go??

"Please find someone decent."

I have someone in mind. Fuck it, even if i do, you'll scare her away.

"Don't slouch!"

Please shut up

"Can you please at least chew your food before taking another bite?"

I'M HUNGRY FROM LISTENING TO YOU NAG!!!

"When are you gonna have savings?? Stop spending all of it"

Oh god make her stop!!

"Get a driving license la bang. Finish your bike license can??"

You stopped me from finishing it cos you were scared for my life -_-

"Stop listening to music at full volume will you?? It will destroy your ears"

Better the music then your nagging..anytime

There you have it...Well, i actually didn't answer her back all those things. I was just being quiet and "happily" eating my food. Those were the answers in my head anyway.

I'm sorry mom.

But this guy below:

Is me. It's who i am.
And i'm sorry i don't like to comb my hair like sane people do
i look like i'm a day dreamer
I'm one lazy assed dude sometimes

I'm sorry i'm uncivilized like that dude beside me.

But at the end of the day,

This dude on top is the one that you still love the most!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA

What shall i do tml?? Sigh -_-

Til then people...

=)

2010-06-18T10:04:00.008+08:00

June June June June June.

I'm finally 23. I can't believe it myself but the boy who wet his pants in class and tried to cover it up was actually a long long long time ago. And now here i am, breathing and smiling and blessed with many things that i hope i will never take for granted. I hope i've grown and changed into a someone that many of you are proud to have. Be it a son, a friend and hopefully a lover.

12th June 2010.

My family booked a chalet for the celebration of the June babies. It's been a long time since i took a break from work and had so much fun. Plus, all the people that really mattered was there and i am really really thankful that all of you came. Well, what else is there to say??
Good food+great company = perfect night.

Thank you Haikal Syah, Shirah, Haziq, Akif, Nabil, Alim, Mardy, Anisa, Hafiq, Farhan and Yazier for coming. Every single one of you are awesome and i'm really really thankful for the gifts but the best gifts of all was all of you being there. I had so much fun. =)

Thank you Effy, Linds and Piqahpi. I apologize so much for not answering your 23 miss calls trying to find my chalet. No doubt i feel really bad about it. Thanks soooo much for coming and i wish that i could spend more time with the 3 of you. I hope you had a great time at the chalet =)

Oh Oh!! BASKET YOU PIQAHPI!!!! CEPPP my face with a cup!!! BERBIRD!!! Oh and sorry for hurting your feet. Tak sengaja...sorry -_-

Once again, Happy birthday June babies. May you be blessed and have a fulfilling life.

Oh and not to mention, i had 2 movie outing recently. LIKE FINALLY! Goodness, my last movie before this was like what?? Aliens in the attic?? How long was that?? (Oh and Anis, if you're reading this. Wru???)

Although it was a last minute decision, decided to go and watch A-team with Piqahpi after she ended work. With my handy dandy nachos on one hand(with extra extra extra cheese thanks to my brother's gf..Thanks lane!! =)) and my valuable lemon tea on the other and my favourite sweater on, i was ready to be blown away. Bwahahaha. It's a good movie. I wish i was FACE!! He is soooo damn cool!!! But sadly, i'm more of a Murdoch then a Face. TSK.

Point to note: BAKERZIA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Note to kitten: HAH! You don't have anymore bragging rights!!!

2nd movie outing was with

We initially wanted to watch Killers. (OH MY GOD ASHTON KUTCHER!!!! ^_^!!! )
But sadly, left with front rows. (OH MY GOD ASHTON KUTCHER!!!! =((( )
So we decided to watch Furry vengeance instead. It was ok i guess?? I don't know. I guess i'm just shocked at how the main actor has...erm....grown?? Hahahaha.. And really?? No ducks?? GRRR

After that, we went to keppel bay to have a chat. Listening to her stories of her Secondary school days made me think back on mine. I had nothing to tell of my Secondary school days. Only soccer, my stupidity and well...more soccer. Totally tak happening se my school days.

Point to note: You have a Sherlock Holmes brains too!!! HAHAHAHA. Awesome. Thank you for the night my dear. It was awesome. And i still can't believe i told u my stupid stories.. Grrr..better now then later i guess....

Well, i'm lying in bed now. Can't sleep cos my chest hurts like fuck. Not to mention that every cough feels like i'm being impaled on the lungs.. Sigh. Not a good time to fall sick when my team mates wanna take their vacation. Sigh. I feel bad.

Oh and what is this familiar feeling that i'm having. I've felt this before. Honest. It feels sooo nostalgic. Something i've never been feeling for quite possibly a long time. Am i missing you?? Oh goodness. I am missing you. =)

Til then people, Stay in good health

=)

This call was meant to be brief
A simple hello ending with goodbye
But then you said hello
Now, i'm melting
And now my goodbye
Becomes a good night

kick me

2010-06-08T00:31:00.000+08:00

"Do you know what was the most saddest memory I have of you?? The most hurtful that I've ever felt since I've had you?? It wasn't when u lied to me. It wasn't when your school principal called me. It was when you came home one night crying so badly. I could feel your hurt so bad that it made me cry too just seeing you. I haven't forgiven her even one bit for making you go through such a painful ordeal. I don't want you to even talk to her anymore."

"dude, have you forgotten what she did?? Why aren't you angry?? She treated you like shit when she left you and look at her now. She keeps on finding you just to find comfort before she goes on to someone else. Dude, you went on depression, took pills and I haven't forgiven her for that. You need someone who can take care of you. Not someone whom u should keep worrying abt."

"Our family is broken and yet you're the strongest of all of us. Always smiling and joking. I dunno how you do it, I can't stand being in this house."

"Dont let our broken family break you. I know you're sad with the way we are. But I need you to be strong cos I believe you are the hope that your brothers need"

God..

='(

I feel so bad right now.

But really...should have thought about it before I broke it..dumb ass me..

caress

2010-06-02T20:23:00.000+08:00

Ok..this is gonna be a very random post...

1) MOM: abang, can u help me cut the papaya??

ME: my knife license dah expire ah ma...I'm scared kene fine for using a knife without proper authorization

MOM: (stares at me in disbelief) BERBIRD!

Hahhahahahaha!! Omg..my mom said berbird...omg!!!!

2) Your words have been playing in my head man. It's really upsetting but you have a point. I wish I could see that same guy that you see in me.

3) while I was listening to headlights, I suddenly had a thought. I think the song is about his lost cat. Really. Listen to it and imagine how a person would feel if he/she lost their cat. I'm pretty sure this song will relate to it.

4) A girl called me cute due to my hairstyle so HAH kitten!! Bwahahaha

5) You look awesome in my favourite colours =)

6) "And I wrote this note about someone I used to know. So I remember how life can be so short when you're left alone to wonder how it is when someone open and shuts the door"

7) I hate JUNE.

8) I opened up my wallet just now to check how much money I have left til my pay day and I swear this did happen, a moth flew out from somewhere..like really..I dunno where it came from..but suii suii when I opened my wallet fully it was flying around.. Made me laugh like an idiot.

9) Met piqahpi recently and had a good time catching up with her. Bowled and won. Iz is a bailer!! Boo!!

10) A lot of ppl around me is falling sick. Goodness. I hope you all wil recover soon. Insya Allah.

Well, that pretty much sums it up. I hope i'll stop having this bitter taste in my mouth soon.

Til then....=)

Nnchan

2010-05-29T06:17:00.000+08:00

What would it take to make you see me, the way that I see you

What would it take to make you want me, the way that I've always wanted you

And I don't know why, you're in everything I see

And I can't deny, that you're everything I need,

So I reach in.....

Whatever it takes to get to you
Whatever it takes to breakthrough
Whatever it takes, you are my reason
For everything I do.

What would it take to make you fall for me, the way I fell for you

What would it take to make you fight for me, the way that I've always fought for you

And I dunno why, you bring me to my knees

And I can't unwind, from how you've twisted me

But I'm still reaching.....

Whatever it takes to get to you
Whatever it takes to breakthrough
Whatever it takes, you are my reason
For everything that I do
Whatever it takes...to get to you

Cos I still firmly believe that in my arms is where you should be......

But I'm so tired of chasing....I wish you would just meet me halfway....

2010-05-24T23:26:00.002+08:00

I'm traumatized. Still shaking from the shock and fear. Imagine, a huge cement lorry speeding straight at you and you froze. Not being able to move a single muscle. If that damn lorry had hit me, not only would i have flung like a crash test dummy but i would've been buried in cement as well. No way of identification. Taik. It was a damn miracle that i'm still here right now.

I had a major flashback right at that time too. Three people were in my head. My mom. Haikal. And another person that i shall not name right now.

"I wish i had more time"

That was all i could think of.

Thank you god.

leko

2010-05-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

It's so dead here right now at work. Looking at their faces, this rota shift has taken it's toll on all of us, me included. It's probably due to the recent rush of detainees coming in during the past few days. Not to mention, the commandant has been up our asses due to the recent lack of discipline. Thanks ah for sabotaging us.

Good morning/afternoon/evening my good people! I'm so sorry you had to read the first paragraph but it is as it says. I've been really tired lately and it's starting to cause a negative effect on me. I'm starting to get really blur and forget things easily. Not to mention that I'm losing my appetite recently. I need to take a long break from work. Even edy says so. It's unusual for me to make so many mistakes at work. Don't get me wrong, I wanna take a long break. It's just that, I have no damn idea what to do if I do take a long break. I can't stay at this depressing home for a week. I'll go nuts!! I can't go on a holiday cos no one is free. And my friends are busy with work/school/insertwhathaveuhere. I don't have much of a choice right now don't I?? Might as well I go to work -_-"

I wanna post about din's sending off but I can't cos I'm still waiting for Timon to upload the pics. For now: I just hope you're doing fine at Lyon bro. I bet right now, you miss the great food in Singapore instead of daily delifrance there. Bwahahaha..

Just wanna give a shout out to shirah for accompanying me through work yesterday night. Really. It's sweet of u and I'm really grateful. Haha.

I want......

DUI

2010-05-16T02:13:00.000+08:00

No
I refuse to believe in it
A feeling that i will never trust anymore
It's not worth the aches
Plus all the scars keep adding up
Sincerity is very hard to find
To seek for it is starting to feel like a sin
Love
I promise.
I will not succumb easily to love anymore
For love made me weary
And every time it feels like my chance is here.
Love turns around to shoot me on the head.
With no regrets and no remorse.
Like how the beautiful hayley says it.
I will not speak of love if it doesn't exist.

But then.... Hahahahahahaha.......

Til then =)

2010-05-13T10:48:00.004+08:00

I love surprises! There's so many ways to react to surprises, like how Din's face reacted when we gave him that farewell celebration yesterday night. Another one of those "priceless" face to add to the memory scrapbook. Dinner at Pastamania was fulfilling even though i was being a bitch and complaining that i didn't want to eat pasta.

The most amazing thing that happened last night was the amazing uno stacko. There were many things that didn't make sense like how the UNO gods had their fun laughing their ass off cos it always reversed to me and i had to draw two most of the time. Not to mention, it didn't make sense how the pile kept on standing when there was no basic structural foundation at all!

Clubbing experience?? Well, let's just say i am just not a party animal after all. Went from zirca to rebel to supperclub. I'd like to thank all the Mat-fucks for causing us the night cos you bloody wankers just had to show your male superiority and do all those brainless things you do until they had a strict quota on malay guys. Really. Too much balls, not enough brains.

Another way to react to react to a surprise is to just walk away. And you keep on walking even though you know that he/she sees you. Keep on walking even when you know your phone is ringing. You keep on walking even if they tell you to stop. Cos you know, to stop, would be too painful. So i'll keep on walking. I'll walk on through the rain. And i know, i'll never walk alone.

.......................................................

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Ok. I confess. I didn't look forward to yesterday much because i know i was going to be the odd one out. Everyone had their dates and i was the lamp post that was shining brightly as an osram light bulb. Thank you everyone for trying their best to make me feel...(insert word here)? What's the right word to describe this?? Hahaha. Fill in the blank for me please.

Manipulation. Fabrication. Conversation. Annihilation.
Damnation. Frustration. Elevation. Procreation.

You could resurrect a thousand words to deceive me more and more.
A thousand words will be the reason why i don't need you anymore

cyanide

2010-05-10T20:11:00.000+08:00

I have never received a phone call that could make me shake so much. Is it out of anger?? Nervousness?? Relief?? Or am I just glad to hear that long forgotten familiar voice which I loved to hear so much?? Thinking back, I still can't believe I answered that call. A moment of weakness where I was sleeping and I actually thought I was dreaming that somebody called me made me answer the phone. And when I heard u say hello, I couldn't react at all, shocked and unable to find my composure.

My first thought was to actually just tell u off and to never call again. But I guess there was just something in me that refrained me from doing so. Why oh why do I always have a soft spot for you I will never know. To tease u, to hear your laughter, to hear you cry and of course, your regular complaints(hahahaha), it was so nostalgic.

And listening to the way that you talked, I knew that the person whom I was in love with for the very memorable 3 years of my life was back. Don't ask how I knew cos I just know. The gentleness, the same sweet giggles. You weren't the other "you" that you created and believed yourself to be. Cos when I first met and fell for you, this was the person that I saw in you. That I believed in. I'm glad that you came to your senses. =)

After we said our goodbyes, I laid there on my bed thinking whether what happened was reality or just my mind playing tricks on me. With your passport photo in hand, I kept reminiscing of all the things we used to do together. The beginning. The end. And through it all, I kept asking myself "what if this" "what if that". What Ifs. People say what ifs is just a way of saying that a person regrets his/her actions or lack of it. Is it true?? Maybe. But I do know that I have done things. Some bad, some good. And the only heartening thing that I can really take out of it is that, I might have done something really well that you just couldn't forget about me. Cos if scars were the only thing that I gave you, I think you would have just given me that middle finger with a wide variety selection of vulgarities for my ears and eyes(skarang zaman msn technology) to embrace.

A question that I wanted to ask that day so badly kept bugging me in my head. Why??

Why is it so important for you that you need things to be good between the two of us??

On another note:

I have an easy philosophy that I believed in. For me it's easy. I have a section called friends. And another section called people. And a fine line separates this two section altogether. So your side. Choose wisely.

2010-05-06T23:18:00.002+08:00

I could use one now. ='(

A picture.
A small passport size photograph was all it took to unlock every single thing that i've kept of you at the back of my head.
How could i forget to throw it away.
I hope you're doing fine.
I have no idea how you are.
I have no idea what you're doing now.
I'm scared to find out.
I hope and pray that you're ok.

2010-05-06T12:30:00.006+08:00

It's been a while since i touched blogger with my laptop. Really, the revolution that is iPhone is really making me lazy nowadays when i can do everything that i want at the palm of my hand. To atone for my laziness, i'm gonna do a proper one before i go back to sleep(lack lack lacking)

And so, May 4th marks the day that my last senior ends his journey in NS. Time is moving on so fast and I can't believe that all my seniors are gone. It's just me and Edy with the rest of the lifeless bunch.

I thank you CPL Wong for the awesome laughs and advices. With you gone, i guess the spirit of Delta goes along with it. All the best and hopefully, you'll become a Singapore citizen if you choose to be so.

THE BEST BEST BEST BEST ANIME THAT I'VE EVER SEEN!!! TOTALLY UP THERE WITH ONE PIECE AND BLACK CAT!!

Samurai Champloo is a story of 3 strangers who met with each other in a dessert shop. One thing led to another and they went out on a journey to find Fuu's(the girl..See above) father, the samurai who smells of sunflower.

A great thing about this anime is the characters. They're all not your "goody goody good 2 shoes" heroes. They all have their own uniqueness and it brings a whole lot of laughs in the show. Another plus point is that, the creator totally didn't make much happy endings in the episodes which is awesome as it reflects on how life is.

Fizzy says "5 out of 5"

My oh my. How much we've grown. =)

Spot me,Azlin and Haikal. hahahahaha

Primary 6. The BEST year of my life. So far that is.

"I have a demon in me
It shows its teeth and escapes
when I impatiently speak
that's when i make my mistakes
It seems I'm prone to abuse
I'm just like you, I'm just like you"

I'm sorry piqahpi. I really am. =(

The trouble with truth is it never lies
And the trouble with wrong is that it's never right
So I rest my head under your light
The trouble with peace is it never fights
And the trouble with love is that it's always blind
I want to walk to the edge of it tonight
And I fall down

I am on my knees
'Cause you're everything I need
And I've made a mess of myself
On my own
Now I'm on my face
And I'm calling out your name
And I won't run away
'Cause I'm already home

The trouble with tears is that they dry
And the trouble within made me wanna cry
I've never felt so much like I'm alive
I wanna open my eyes and see Your face
If i have to wait a thousand days
I'll still be right here right next to You
And I fall down

And I know I haven't always been
Where you wanted me
I'm standing here, arms out
Broken down before you

I am on my knees
'Cause you're everything I need
And I've made a mess of myself
On my own
Now I'm on my face
And I'm calling out your name
And I won't run away
'Cause I'm already home

I'm gonna practice this like mad. And when the time comes, i'll sing it out for you(Ok..before anyone asks. This "you" i'm talking about refers to no one). HAIKAL!!! TRAIN ME!!!

I miss the old Delta. Where it's fun times all the time.

i'm already home

Til Then.....=)

saint

2010-05-06T03:11:00.000+08:00

"Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
Walt Disney

crap

2010-05-04T00:49:00.000+08:00

"come on, it'll be fun!"

"I promise you'll feel better when we're done!"

"confirm your flu will get better punya"

I have a confession to make. I think I give in too much. I have no idea how I let you talk me into going swimming with you when I have been down with a bad case of cold. And thanks to you, I'm now shivering and having a major headache plus a free marathon running nose. Pfft..thanks eh!!! Grrrrrrr

may

2010-05-01T19:40:00.000+08:00

Ish. Hafiz hafiz. Kenapa eh emo sangat?? Tak payah la nak tunjuk perasaan. Orang pun tak kisah =p

Anyway, welcome to the month of May my fellow comrades. In the blink of an eye, almost half of the year has gone by.

A few updates so far:

Went to RP recently. Slacked around with HaIkAl and mardy from 5 to 10 maybe?? Lol..was super exhausted eventhough we did not do anything but just chatted and laughed around. Pfft. Once again, I'm shocked by the culture in poly life. And my oh my oh my. The girls there made me drool a niagra fall

Ouh. The heart ache. The misery. This feeling can't be healed. My beloved wife. My fiancée. My one true love of 8 years. My beloved Liverpool has been knocked out of the Europa league =( it's ok darling. I still love you and will stick by u thick and thin. And no other team is as sexy as you baby. I love u darling. Muackz.

You are the cause of my unhappiness?? No. You're not. And you are not obliged to entertain my lameness miss. In fact, you don't even have to check up on me. I've always been fine and have been able to stand on my own ground. How did u think I managed to survive before we even got close? I thank you. And I still think you're the best. I don't want u to feel me as a chore. Be sincere my dear friend. That's all I'm asking from you.

It's time. I should really start to listen to you more. You've been crying out to me. Begging me. My dear jeans. I have listened to your calls. It's time to Start my tough regime to lose weight. Anyone wanna join??

"Love. It's a terrible art. It's a hook in the heart. That can drag you on broken glass. And as you protest, the shards in your flesh. The hook tears out your chest. Until you're just a broken mess"

enough

2010-04-29T23:27:00.000+08:00

Overreacting to the dramatic. Piece by piece the disaster reveals itself. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. And no matter how much I try to have a sanguine disposition, I cannot help but feel helpless. It's like quicksand where each struggle you make only sink you deeper.

What the hell am I babbling about?

I thank you.
From the bottom of my heart.
Cos this is my just desserts
Sweet

Trick or treat

2010-04-26T04:27:00.000+08:00

Greets from the geek my friends. I'm hoping that you're all fast asleep in this wee hour unlike me. Tried but couldn't and this is where it sucks. I hate not sleeping in this place. There's something abt this enclosed walls in this building that makes you start thinking about your life. Self reflection. Fucking great.

How long has it been? A question that's bugging me tonight. In what seem like such a short space of time, I've gone from a fat fuck to a thin stick. And after all the time that has passed, let's see what's the damage done shall we?? *opens shirt* fuck!!!! *wears back shirt* let's just say I look better with the shirt on aight???

Surprisingly, I have only 5 more months left of ns life. Although it felt like only yesterday when all that nightmare happened.

Depression from the break up, health issues, parents, rough times at db and love issues. It all feels like it's all behind me. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger as they say but let's reflect a lil bit more on this shall we??

I've began to accept my health and parent issues. All it took was acceptance and keeping an optimistic mind.

Rough times at db??? Lol..not anymore. I'm the most senior and the NCO of my team now. The team is under my control and damn it's bloody sweet.

Depression from the break up. Looking back at my photos this past year, no doubt, I'm happier then I ever was before. The depression made me realize who was the ones who really mattered to me and I'm glad that you've all pulled me out of it. Life isn't easy when there's goodbyes but lessons are made out of it.

How long has it been since she left me? I can't remember how it all happened anymore and I do not wish to reminisce about it. There's nothing much to say about this except that I've blocked a lot of things/memories on those 3 years with her. That part of me is gone and she took it with her.

But this is where it starts. This is what's been bugging me. Have I really given myself another chance?? What have I been doing all this while?? I keep saying that I don't need someone but it's just a lie. As I heard from my friends, she has another guy in her life. How much would that make it now?? 3?? I dunno, im just assuming. While I had zilch.

In actuality, my heart is already with someone. But is it at the right place? I'm disappointed. What am I actually waiting for?? To whom am I being faithful to?? Dear miss, I can safely say that I love you. Really. You've been my enjoyable nights, my smiling delights and the light that's been shining upon me. I cannot believe it myself but through all the times, I've grown to know you more and find in you, one of the most awesome person alive. Almost at the same level as Gandhi! Hahaaha..ok..kidding.. Let's lay it all on the line shall we?? I have to be honest. I know as much as u that things will never be more than this. I'm not hoping that it would but judging from how it's going, I think I should be a realist and stop dreaming. Please do know that you are regarded highly and anyone, especially him, is absolutely blessed to have you by his/their side. Smile ok. Even if you want to put those braces on =) if only you could see how special you are like how I see it in you.

It's sad but I guess I have to move on. Although with such a heavy heart but I can't keep on being like this. I think the time is finally right for me to look for someone. To open up these locks that I've been keeping on since her departure. Can you feel me love??

Til then =)

P.s fuck... I really need to sleep man

meh??

2010-04-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

My mom...knowing that I wanted to treat her.....made me splurge 220 bucks on her facial products.....

I had blisters on my ass on where my wallet is.. I've never spent that much money on a person! So mom..if this doesn't show you that I love you.. I don't know what will!

I am peeling. I cannot stop peeling. Peeling is an addiction. So peel peel peel. Now when will we be new skin??

Til then =)

Me

2010-04-21T14:18:00.000+08:00

It's really painful. How much I have to sacrifice my own happiness for the greater good. Hah. "greater" good. Or am I just stuck in the illusion that what i'm doing is the right thing? When I should have just grabbed the opportunity and make it mine??

How do you know when to sit idly by and let the situation unfold or do something about it so as to shape the situation to your liking?? How much of enough IS enough?? Cos even honey is hated if it's too sweet. How can I look myself in the mirror and judge that I deserve more than what I think I deserve?

I don't have low self esteem
I just have a high sense of humbleness

I don't want to be special
But I want to be that someone behind someone special

I don't like to be expressive
But I am excited easily

I don't seem to be interested
But I have a high sense of curiousity

Contradictions!
Makes me want to scream objection all over. So what does this make me? Am I not being true to myself?? Or am I a walking disasterpiece??

Lol. Sorry..I'm just very fascinated in how my mind, or rather myself, work. All that's typed above are what I think I should work on. Or should I just leave it be?? Cos my dear friends think I'm fine just the way I am.. Hahaha..what do u think??(as if I'm gonna get answers)

Senang2, just send me to imh je.. =)

Til then. =)

2010-04-19T14:19:00.004+08:00

Exhaustion. I don't feel like moving from my bed at all, not even for a haircut(which i really need cos i feel so damn rimas)

Highlight Reels!!!!

Went to the beach. SENTOSA!!!! POG!!!! BABES!!!!! BIKINIS!!!!! FOOD!!!!!! CAKE!!!!! HAPPY BDAY EFFY!!!! HELLO SHIRAHHH!!!!! GIRLS TAKE HOURS TO CHANGE!!!!!!!! ERIC!!!!!!!! CHOCOLATES!!!!!!!! THX EH SYAQ!!!!!!!!! SUNBURNED!!!!!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK IZ!!!!!!!!!! YOUR SUNBLOCK DIDN'T HELP!!!!!!!!! BUSSED HOME!!!!!!!!! ENDED UP KNOCKING MY HEAD ONTO THE POLE AND MADE A CRYING GIRL LAUGH!!!!!!!! MALU!!!!!!!!!

Managed to finally emulate Aimar for soccer session the next day too. Hahaha. Looking at his vids now. Pale in comparison to what he can do -_-"

I recall the times we spent down by the coffee shop
We would fight and you would cry
Cause in those days i lied a lot
Trying to protect you from the truth I had to learn that never worked
I couldn't hide anything from you
Couldn't bare to see it hurt you
Oh i was so surprised to find forgiveness in your eyes
Undeserved.
But love is blind
So we shared our hearts as we drove home
It was the calm before the storm
That comes. Like it always does.

2010-04-14T21:42:00.002+08:00

A night where it was a first for all of us.
The company.
The awesome food(Swear i miss the food)
The ambience.
It was an incredible night.
I hope you all enjoyed yourself
I know I did.
All the best for your final year in poly.
Go all the way.
I'm proud of all of you. =)

What's wrong with me?
I'm happy.
But yet, i feel like i'm missing something.

Dear god ~

Protect me from mutiny
From those who miscarried your baby
From those who miscarried the truth
So they could selfishly do whatever they thought was pleasing
Protect me from insincerity.
From between their teeth that's practically oozing venom
Their eyes are hollow and blind
They're always wasting my time
And this time that i'm losing.

2010-04-05T22:18:00.002+08:00

It isn't fair to mention but it awes the crowd.
Your fictional, plastic alibi.
So take another hit and steal another line.
Have you ever meet a leech who was good at goodbyes??
And when you were down i always picked you up
Why couldn't i recognize that everything was never fine?
I'm kicking myself that i shared spit with you
So FUCK yourself and fuck this bleeding heart of mine!
The ride's over
Did you enjoy yourself?
The ride's over
Fair thee well

12th and 17th are gonna be awesome.

2010-04-04T17:26:00.003+08:00

4th March 2009.

That was the date that i first stepped foot into DB and joined Team Delta. Clueless and loss and receiving the harsh treatments from my other seniors and the detainees, you were there to guide me and taught me everything that i needed to know to get by. I cannot thank you enough for the months that i've spent with you. I still remember how you've helped me prowl during night shift when i was exhausted, I remembered how you would force me to rest and took over my duties when you could just not care at all like the others. We've always had a hell of a time playing pranks on the other team members and i'm glad that i helped you bring out the side of you that you were afraid to show. You should play pranks on others man, really. It doesn't help to be serious all the time. I don't know what else to say cos my words could never justify my gratitude towards you.

So CPL Halil Hushairi. I salute you and i am gonna miss you. I wish you all the best for your future endeavors and i hope i'll see you again. ORD oh.

"I feel like you're my own brother cos i've seen you grow from a PTE to a CPL and am proud to have a junior like you" ~Halil

Made me wanna cry when you said that man..........

Til then....

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!!:::: At the end of the day, you just keep losing yourself to the discrepancies of your own illusion and make a fool of yourself.

2010-03-28T17:48:00.001+08:00

I wanna watch this! Anyone wanna follow?? Pls?? I'll pay!!

2010-03-27T20:28:00.002+08:00

Hello my good Samaritans!

I hope you've all slept well and may it be more then the few hours of sleep that i've been getting. I am so darn tired right now, i swear my eyes are half opened(or half closed depending on your philosophical perception) posting this.

Finally met up with Timon recently. Can't remember when was the last time i saw him and i think yesterday was the first time after a long time that we had a good talk just the three of us. We should try to do it more often man. I'm really keeping all my fingers and toes crossed hoping that the holiday plan will work out. Listening to Timon's stories really got me psyched to get out of Singapore. Unknown views and unknown terrains, i feel like dorra the explorer right now. Well, a much more intelligent one that is.

While waiting for the first 174 bus to arrive, me and Haikal(Timon left due to him having to work in the morning) had a loooooong chat on sensitive subjects. It's crazy on how i feel so different from the both of them. I seriously think i lost or damaged my Medulla Oblongata or something. I don't understand how i can't have a serious urge or curiosity to cut a person with a sword or to run over a baby with a monster truck(HAHAHAHAHA). Where did my imagination and curiosity run off too??

Ouh, i saw a few videos that made me laugh my balls off recently. All of them are post hardcore bands so if you hate the screaming, don't click the play button.

1st video

Really, this video made me laugh out my breakfast!! (sigh..my wasted sandwich).

1.) If i was the same size as i was three years ago and a singer, i'd probably be like the frontman of this band. Untalented and can't headbang/hardcore dancing/skip on the spot for nuts man. LOL

2.) FIRST TIME EVER!!! A heavy song is infused with techno. YES! That blight that we all hate has joined forces with a post harcore genre!!!! NOO!!!!!

3.) The band shouldn't call themselves Attack attack. "ATTACK OF THE CRABS" seems more appropriate. WTF is wrong with them??? Whats with all those crunking down lowism??? No offence man, i swear they look like they pierced their instruments and hanging them from their balls.

2nd video

MIKA HAS JOINED THE SCENE!!! Hahahahaha.

One Mika was hard to handle but another one???

3rd video

Ok so this is not post hardcore and no, there's nothing funny about it(except the video is not complete but it's the only one that allows to be embedded) Well, i love this girl cos DAMN! She really knows how to move her arms!! lol!! I'm going gooogoooogaaaagaaaa for this!

Ouh Ouh, of course, i had a magnificent time with you too playing fuzzy wuzzy and also being abused at the same time =) No way i would forget to put you in this post. BUT less details would be better right now. Bwahahaha. Fuzzy Wuzzy Likes this.

Til then, Enjoy the rest of March people =)

P.S) I know i owe a story but i can't seem to write something decent now. Soon bro. Soon

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!!!:::: Ribena has officially decided to put another letter "N" to it's already cool name. Ribenna.. Awesome

2010-03-15T22:55:00.003+08:00

May it be raining when you're reading this entry right now cos face it, after much time baking under the sun, we deserve a little bit of a cool gloomy rainy treatment.

My poly admission didn't get accepted and i'm quite disappointed. I was confident that i would get it se but oh well, i still have until next year. It's you that i'm worried for bro. You're not a loser so don't give up too easily aight. We can always try again for next year(although by then we'll be 27 when we graduate).

I am addicted to this song. I couldn't even sleep last night just thinking about this song!!

The first time i saw this video on mtv, i quickly changed channel.

The second time, the piano was addictive so i decided to just listen withoout paying attention to the girl.

The third time i watched this, i thought the girl was irritating and i wanted to slap her.

The fourth, i thought she was quite ok and that she looked like a friend of mine.

The fifth time i watched this, I actually thought she was CUTE!!

The sixth time i watched this, I thought she was sexy got addicted to how she moved her hips and legs during one part of the song (she was just moving it side to side...I KNOW KAN...FIRST SELENA GOMEZ WITH HER ARM MOVEMENTS...NOW HER DOING THIS..LOL =P)

The seventh time onwards...I couldn't get the song out of my head....

Taik...lesson learnt...never ever give yourself the chance to listen to a really addictive beat song.

P.s: She got ugly hands though.

Oh and pls eh...Shoo..Scram...I prefer if you would just disappear. And jgn tak tau malu eh. Ask your precious bf to buy for you one uh. Sanggup nak step mana punya caring pulak..bodoh punya two face.

And contentment is a feeling of awesomeness.
But that cardigan is still floating in my head like a ghost that won't go away.
Help =(

Til then.......

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: Better off without you =)

2010-03-09T18:27:00.003+08:00

I am really really tempted to spend 50 bucks on this thing:

HAHAHAHAHA...

But seriously... so erm....Haikal, syaq or anyone???? Should i????

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: IT'S A C-WATCH!!!!!!

2010-03-08T12:12:00.001+08:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEEE them.

I wanna go for their concert!!!!

=(((

2010-03-07T23:08:00.003+08:00

Read my blog recently? Too many sad posts kan? A little bit of happiness is in order here and well, I wish I could post pictures but i'm too lazy to even try to upload any.

I think I am nearly there. This long struggle to find myself has been a long journey and after 2 years, enough is enough. It's time to move on from this comfortable sit that's been tying me down. I wanna get free, i wanna take the steps that will bring me to the places that i want to be and i will do it with the people that i love, with a smile on my face and with the beliefs that i believe in.

Yes, i still do believe in it. I don't care if you would call me foolish because i know if i keep on looking and going forward, i'll achieve it. I've already found not one but TWO people whom will lead me to the right path if i go stray. I've found the greatest bunch of people whom will make me feel like i've lost a kidney if i don't meet them at least once a month. I have the love of an awesome and the coolest mother all this while. All i need left is a few more pieces of my life's jigsaw puzzle.

One of the big piece that i want to achieve is to really have a diploma before i go out to the working world. It's the bare minimum requirement that i want and this time, i hope i will work hard for it. NS life totally showed me what i am capable off and that i'm an efficient worker with a lot of knowledge(though most of them are craps that i learned from Haikal. Can't believe that it'll prove useful one day). Oh and i am sorry mom cos i know you always make my age an issue cos you keep on saying "Bila nak kerja?? Nanti dah rumahtangga susah nanti!". I'm not saying that i won't work, i just want to take my time on this and make sure it feels right. Besides, why rush when you only have death at the end of the trip?? And i don't think marriage is going to be an issue. I'm still young ;)

The final big piece of the puzzle would be my love life. It's funny how i can only see the bad side of love right now. I want to make the next girl the right one. I don't like to keep on changing GF like how i keep changing shampoos. ;) And seeing as how my parent's marriage failed and the countless number of relationships that failed from the people i know, i really wonder if i have what it takes to be someone that will make a good life partner. Learned lessons and hurts might hinder my judgement and i don't want to be paranoid for the rest of my life. But i'm quite optimistic and sure that there's a girl out there that will show me. Show me what i've really missed. What i really need. And what it really means to be in love by bringing out the best in me.

To anonymous.

What i've sent you that night was nothing but the truth. I'm not desperate and i'm not fooling around. I am glad that i told you and got it off my chest. Where do we go from here?? Well, i've said my part. So it's all up to you. =)

Oh and i played soccer today after a long time of no game. Ended up having a swollen ankle, a twisted knee and my chest/ribs area hurts like crazy that i can't breathe properly. Not to mention that sleeping at work doesn't help cos i keep getting disturbed. The best of all, i am now having major migraines and i am burning up. Plus i just got nosebleed(my laptop is in a mess with all the blood. lol) Help =S

Til then.... =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!::: You don't miss the water until the well runs dry =)

2010-03-03T11:40:00.002+08:00

Dear mom,

It's been a while since we last had a real conversation hasn't it? It saddens me so much that we have turned out this way. Did I do something which didn't please you? Or did this house, like it did to me, made you lose hope?

I really don't know what else I can do for your happiness anymore. I've tried everything, to the best that i can to put more smiles on your face each day but i can't do it if you keep locking yourself up in your room all night.

I need you mom. I've taken so many things for granted from you. I need you to show me the things that i need cos i can't do it, i cannot live for myself.

I am so sorry that I have to use this blog to tell it to you cos I'm never good at face to face confrontation and i know you do read my blog. I don't know what i'm asking for and i am not asking for you to do anything after reading this. I just feel very lost and lonely right now in this walls. Please..........Release me from this solitary confinement.......

With love,
Your favourite son,
Mohamed Hafiz.

2010-03-01T14:45:00.004+08:00

To A Special Friend

Tension, when accumulated at a sensitive spot, usually leads to breakage. I'm not a saint but I know I'm not as bad as you when it comes to lying. I don't know why it hurts and why I even bother but it does get to me. I thought you were always going to be the one I could depend on. The one to be there for me all the time. Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve all these mind games? Can I please know? What I know is that I'm not perfect and sometimes I may be harsh but that's how I am and if you couldn't take it my advice then tell me. I thought we saw each other eye to eye. There has always been a deeper understanding between us than people know but somewhere over these past few years, your actions and communication became foreign and lost in translation. I think I'm also to blame for this because apparently I'm not suited to be sought-after for comfort and advice. I'm losing people in my life that I never thought I would. You know how it makes me feel? Like a loser, a sore, bad loser because I have always refused to admit defeat that I've lost, especially when losing a brother is so hard to take.

I guess where I felt I stood high and mighty just came crashing underneath me and I am falling into an endless abyss called failure with only the thoughts on why it came to this and what it could and should have been. We've been through a lot and I have to admit you are a special guy minus the lies. So special it's a shame that you can't see it and continually shot yourself in the foot with the guns and bullets you voluntarily took from the aggressors who ruined your stability. Out in zero-degree waters, slowly sinking, vessels pass along and hurl ropes to pull you to safety but you can't seem to grasp it. Is it pride or is the rope too short? You have no idea how this insecurity has been eating at my head but I guess I can't assume I'm the victim. You definitely have your side of the story and whatever it is, I'll take it like a man. I guess I've misunderstood you and your needs. I don't need an apology because I should apologise. I've given up on waiting for you to change because you don't have to change. Buy the chair that you feel comfortable sitting on, listen to the honest salesman who tried to warn you of it's bad quality and rip-off pricing. I'm going to be the guy who will always believe what you say, even when it dominates my thoughts before I sleep because I know that believing could possibly hurt. I'm not out to write another 13-page essay like the one I handed out to Ms Jean Ng 7-8 years ago. That one was full of fantasy. I'm pouring out at least 5 years of feelings on this one.

I may not have been the best that you claimed I was at that department in your life, so don't apologise for seemingly not living up to my expectations, because I most certainly didn't live up to yours. That is how we ended up like this. It's a damn shame and I am sorry.

Ref: http://the-unquestionable-truth.blogspot.com

Only a heartless and stupid fucker wouldn't tear from this.

I admit that when I first saw your status in FB, i couldn't understand what i did to make you feel that way but yet again, you were right. I have fallen complacent. I'm so caught up in my self pity that i've fallen blind to the people all around me. Especially you. How could i neglect someone who has been there for as long as i can remember? No matter how much wrong i've done, you've always stood by me.

I guess even best friends get into big arguments huh. It's no doubt and i think you know about it as well, how much i feel like i've been a liability to you. You know i've always appreciated your advise. I've always been a big fan of your wisdom and face it, you bring out the ugly truth and yet you've always been supportive eventhough you know it well that i make the wrong decisions. I know you've been wanting to help me and i know you want what's best for me but i feel that i've disappointed you in so many ways with the direction that i'm taking that i couldn't even look you in the eye anymore. Not to mention that we've been quarelling over a lot of things and there was words said that made me look down on myself even more and it was hard to hang out around you ever since.

I've always thought that i've been "playing catching up" when the fact is, i've never been falling behind at all. I'm taking things so hard by all these things that happened to me that i've given up on myself. You always say that i'm special and that i am meant for great things but it was always hard to believe it with the stupid things i did. I didn't know who to believe, the one who believes that i am or the world who kept proving to me that i'm not.

They say that you won't know what you have until it's gone. But for your case bro, i don't ever want to find out cos i can't imagine how life will be when you're not in it. And there is something that you should know. You've always been my best friend. It's not a title that i give to people freely like people giving out flyers and i want you to know that i've never changed my opinion about you and i will never look at you in a different light even if you decide to forsake me. Because you've always been a GREAT friend and a GREAT person and i'm to blame if you ever decide to give up on me. And i'm so so sorry for this. I feel bad cos you always seem to be the first to try to fix things between us when i would just sit down and do nothing about it. I can't apologize enough.

All i hope for right now is that i do find myself. I know what i can be. I know what i'm capable of. It's just like you said bro, i keep getting shot on the foot and worse of all, i let them do it. And for my case, it's always been me not being able to hold on to the ropes that was handed down on me. Cos at the first sign of struggle, i tend to let go.

As much as i hate to admit it and as much as i hate to go to my friends for help, i need all of them to pull me through. Be it you bro or my beloved pog or my ns mates, it is you people whom i have to thank so much for everything. Cos without all of you, i won't be sane. i would have been empty like this house, this room, this heart would make me believe. I do hope in times to come, i could show all of you the best of me.

Til then...Make do with what i am now...Jangan cerewet ;)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: The more i spend time with you, the more i see the side of you that i never knew existed. Damn...i think i'm caught up...

2010-02-26T12:13:00.003+08:00

I don't understand those idiots that are freaking hell locked up at my work place. Some of the reasons that they tell me for going AWOL are really stupid. ESPECIALLY the damn recruits. It's only been the second week and 10 of them are thrown inside DB for AWOL and they are all MALAYS!!!

Wanna know what was the reasons that they gave??

1.) Aku ada family problem ah. Mak aku sakit and aku nak kene kerja.

FUCK U!! Tak pakai otak punya batigol. Abeh yang kau masok dalam DB for 40 days, sapa yang nak jaga mak kau?? Kucing kau?? And what's more, when you do finish serving your sentence, you don't get 2 months worth of pay!! DUMBASS!!! Terus nanti awol lagi ah "carik" kerja. Pantat.

2.) Nobody wants to make friends with me.

YES. Your eyes are not fooling you. This stupid son of a gun actually said it. And i'm not surprised after seeing how fucking stuck up you are. Sikit2 nak complain. You complain when u get your precious medicine late. You complained about the food. Complain about how dusty the damn cell is. Well smarty pants, it's called detention barrack. Bukan ALOHA LOYANG!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!

3.) Aku lupa nak kene book in.

Should have just forget to live as well.

4.) I can't endure the training.

YOUR TRAINING ISN'T AS HALF AS BAD AS MINE. The welfare that you get compared to my time is WAY different.

oh and the next reason is the best. Really.

5.) I miss my GF/ I got a problem with my gf/ i broke up with my gf

BEST! I don't wanna say anything else

And what's worse is that this fuckers have the cheek to even act tough and talk as if they are some big fucks.

My verdict??

You're all a bunch of pussies.

Sorry for the needless complaint. I haven't been taking any nutella lately. GRRRRR..

2010-02-15T22:58:00.002+08:00

"FEBRUARY
IT'S BEEN SO LONELY
IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE FELT YOUR TOUCH
I COULD CARE LESS
IF I DESERVE THIS
I WON'T EVER SURVIVE
THIS PAIN INFLICTED"

Welcome to February! As usual, it's the month of love and this year is a little bit special for the beloved Chinese people to celebrate the coming of the new year.

And for those who aren't privileged enough to come from the chinese bloodline (like me) and who doesn't have a date on vday (again, like me) you are probably sitting your ass down on the couch and wondering what the hell you are gonna do for the rest of the days. (Not like me. I'm working)

A few events so far,

I went for a Kris Allen concert recently at Zirca. I got two tickets from a friend for a date but unfortunately, due to the forces of god, the date didn't happen so i decided to go with my cousin instead. Funnily, this wasn't the first time something like this happened. Remember zoukout my dear?? LOL. The concert was fine. I don't know much about kris and honestly am not interested in his music. At least my cousin was enjoying her ass off screaming like...well...like how a fangirl would act.

Oh and it's also my first time going to ECP this year with the cousins as well. The highlight would be my first time meeting miss rollerblades. I knew i was gonna struggle to control this fine lady from the moment i tried to even wear the damn thing. I have no idea how many time i fell on my arse. If i could get 2 bucks from everytime i fell, i would probably have enough to make a cushion to break my fall. Not to mention that my cousins(whom are all girls for your info) are damn pros at it and are laughing their ass(how many ass have i used in this post??) off at me.

And i think i broke a bone!!

I think.

Ok fine.

Probably chipped off a part of it.

Sigh.

Would you believe me if i said i cracked it??

Sheesh...

I bruised myself ok!! Sheesh...

Oh and i went to watch the Percy jackson bla bla bla movie with my bro. Went to treat him cos i felt like it's been a while since i gave him my attention. I'm quite surprised at how funny he is and it amazes me how much he has grown. Where have i been all this time man?? Haha. It's still not too late for him. I'm gonna make sure he bucks up man. As for the movie, IT SUCKED. Yes, too many times i wanted to fall asleep. I guess it's aimed more for the kids or the easily ticklish crowd. It wasn't funny at all and i don't get why the couple beside me was laughing as if we were watching a comedy. The only time i laughed was when i saw the GV staff tripping on the steps.

It took me a long time to realize it and admit it again. But i think my heart is just too broken. I just don't see love in couples anymore. Behind all those masquerade of love and misses and kisses are just lies and masks and betrayal. Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying all the couples are fucked up. But then again 90 percent of them aren't even in love with each other. It's just the feeling of attachments and dependency. Ugh. Sickening.

But then again. Guess who always comes to put a smile on my face. =) Truly a silver lining in this troubled times aren't you bella??

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: I've had enough of these useless sunsets

2010-02-09T20:03:00.001+08:00

I'm not looking for music to complete me.

I'm not searching for a new philosophy.

I'm not waiting for somebody to swoon me.

I'm not WAITING for somebody to swoon me.

I'm just searching for a better way into your love.

2010-02-07T21:30:00.002+08:00

Second chances are hard to come by these days. People are more critical in the bad things that someone else does to them. Oh they will tell you that they forgive you. Oh and they will tell you that it's all behind them and that they don't care what happens in the past. Believe me, 9 out of 10 people who says this are bullshitting with you. Forgive? Maybe. Forget?? NEVER.

I am writing this down from experience. Yes. I am openly going to admit something big here. A big dirt that i don't ever want to let lose. A dark secret. I am a big liar. WAS to be exact. I am ashamed of it and believe me, rebuilding trust is hard work. You have no idea how hard it is to have eyes filled with doubts looking at you, people not giving you their full trust. It hurts. But i am the one to be blamed. It is my own fault anyway and i deserved what is coming to me.

I keep making stupid mistakes in my life. Some are irreparable. Some are truly unintentional. God knows how much i am regretting my past right now but it hasn't stopped myself from looking forward but it's hard when people just keep holding you for the bad that you've done. When things go wrong, they only remember my negatives. What about all the good i've done for you?? What about all that time i've been there?? Is it fair? How much more corrective work order should i do before you release me from the chains of my past mistakes? Will i ever be free from it?

I'm not hard to read like some people make me out to be. Dive into my mind and you can see that i'm so simple, you'd be surprised at how uncomplicated i am. Please, don't think that i have a hidden agenda when i call you. Please don't think that i am only on the ride with you when i think i only have something in it for me. I'm not like that. All the things i do, i do it wholeheartedly and with no intentions to be returned as a favor.

Sometimes, i feel like just giving up. Having ties with other people, be it family or friends, are hard. Maintaining it and keeping everyone happy is starting to really feel like a chore for me. Is it with age that i'm starting to feel more like this?? I am blessed with great friends and i can't ask for more. Actually, to think about it, i was blessed with all. Family, friends, a gf. And now with all that's left, with all the people who has left and who wants to leave, i am here picking up the pieces.

All in all, i'm doing fine though. I'm happy with my progress. I'm my own biggest critic and trust me, i criticize myself a lot. Who knows, in time, you might even see the wiser and wider part of me.

But until then... i'm living life on a day to day basis. =)

Fizzy tipsy!!!!::: Give me love and not suicide and the wiser, wider part of me will show

2010-02-07T00:38:00.004+08:00

Playlist: Between The Trees - White line and Red Lights

"You and me is what matters most.
It's not the intimacy that brings me closer,
To you"

The scenery was laid out before us.
The sky had the most eerie orange glow from the sunset.
The waves keeps on crashing.
The sound of children playing by the shore filled our ears.
And we just sat there.
Not saying a word.
The silence comforting.
Your hand in mine, holding it tight as if you were scared that i was going to let it go.
Your head on my shoulder and i could smell the scent of your hair.
As we sat by the beach, not caring about the passing onlookers who wouldn't even give us a second glance.
You turned your head to face me and looked me directly in the eye.
I don't exactly know what I said but you smiled and laughed.
That smile.
That smile which i have fell in love with since i first laid my eyes on it.
And those eyes.
Those weary eyes that still shines.
Picture perfect moments which i didn't want to end.
The wind blowing through your hair.
The lump of "Sandcastle" that you were proud off.
As we both stood up to make a move, you pulled me close.
Hugging me tight.

A dream.
That was what it all was.
When i woke up to reality, i knew such things wouldn't happen.
But it was enough.
Enough to make me smile through the day.

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: My honesty will always come with doubts.

2010-02-03T01:24:00.002+08:00

I dunno how many times i've edited this post. I really want to blog this out but everytime my fingers starts to touch the keyboard, my head goes blank. I guess i'll just keep it short.

I know that a lot of you people are worried about me right now. I haven't been contacting anyone for a while and the only people that i've been talking to is either my ns mates or people who've been messaging me.

It's not that i forgot about you.

It's not that i am ignoring your existence.

My guess is that, there's a couple of people who are pissed at me. If it is indeed me that you are referring to, then so be it. I don't have any answers and i don't want to be a chore that you wanna be stuck with. In fact, even i have given up on myself. I'm sorry i have not lived to your expectation.

I'm never gonna change to please anyone. I've tried hard to be that way this past year and i've lost myself in it. My life is just a short change of fake orgasms.

I'm much more comfortable now
And i'm rediscovering myself.
All i ask for is that you respect me the way i am
Cos i am never gonna adapt myself to how you picture me to be.
I'm done trying to fit in.

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!::: Oh sweet sweet comfortable orange walls.

2010-01-21T15:53:00.002+08:00

Oh come on. That's all? That's the lame dedication that you have for me? Did you actually think i am seriously threatened by all that you wrote down? Puh-lease. Empty words from an empty girl.

Do you seriously think i'm scared that you will list out all the lies and shit i've done? Well go ahead! Come on!! Don't give me a half ass threat like that. You don't know HATE at all until you throw away all that bullshit crap that you still keep in "DEAR" memory of your time with me. LAME.

Villain? Understand that anyone with a brain can see how much you have changed. A low IQ amoeba himself could tell that you are one of his kind.

Honestly, when you had to get my "lovey dovey" friends included in this shit, you crossed the line. Well, go ahead. Tell them. Enlighten us all on my mistakes. I am actually shaking in excitement about this and i am sure my "lovey dovey" friends would like to know what i did. Here. I'll even help you advertise.

TO ALL MY DEAR FRIENDS. PLS DO VISIT THIS BLOG, HTTP://MYFETISHFORSCARS.BLOGSPOT.COM, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT I DID. YES. READ IT AND TAKE IT ALL IN COS IT IS ALL TRUE AND IT REALLY HAPPENED WHEN I WAS WITH HER. YES, I AM AT FAULT AND AM TRULY THE MUTHAFUCKA.

There. So please, get it over with alright m1sfit? Cos unlike you, i've come to accept my mistakes. And i wasn't looking at the past. Come on. Bruise my pride which i don't even care of. Kill my ego if there is even any. I threw out my pride and ego a long time ago and here i am, wide open and vulnerable from all angles. Don't waste this chance yeah.

I look forward to your post. So please, don't forget everything bad that i've done for you.

Oh and two more things before i end this post.

1.)Underneath all that black eyeliner and make up, and your charade of being a "don't mess with me" attitude, you're nothing but a fucking kitten.

2.) Stay the fuck out of my life. I don't need your "we can still be friends right?" shit.

We all look forward to your next post. Go on. Tell your story. =)

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: They say the past is the past but it never treated me like this

2010-01-18T00:06:00.007+08:00

Playlist: FFDF - The bleeding

Well look who is at the wrong end of the stick now?

You knew this was coming to you. YOU FUCKING CUNT

BEST?? This is what you wanted isn't it?

You could have just let her go you fucking idiot. 1 year ago. When she decided to leave you for some fucking low life amoeba. That was suppose to be your queue to LEAVE!!! It just shows how stupid your "LOVE OF YOUR LIFE" is!! BUT NO!! Despite all that, you still had to be that perfect GENTLEMAN and wants to be there for her. AND FOR WHAT FUCK?? TO BE IN PAIN?? FACE IT!! Your life has always been much better without her! Why do you even think about her when she is not even worth the penny that you were gonna pay for her IF you EVEN get married to her?? Think about it. She's been the one who has always been coming back to you everytime you leave. That just means you are moving on WAY MUCH BETTER then she is!! Cos everytime you do, there was not even a moment when you even had an itch to call her. I think it's time that you take that stupid "SENSE" that you get when she is upset as a celebration CALL! Buying her an MP4!!! Buying her a love cookie from famous amos for her bday when she is not even INTERESTED in you?? WTF!? And look how much she cares?? NO!! She's only interested at the fact that you PUT DOWN THE PHONE ON HER. WOW. Clearly, she cannot accept the fact that she's the one at fault. COS THATS HER. SHE CAN NEVER ACCEPT THAT SHE'S WRONG. IT was an EASY CHOICE FIZ. It wasn't a hard one. She's just brain dead. That's all. YOU need to fucking wake up and realize that you are better off on your own. You've felt it haven't you.

IT's true! You've been feeling it in that cold dark heart of yours. You've been trying to deny it and tried to keep telling yourself that it's not true but it's creeping up to a point where you are starting to lose yourself to me. You're better off on your own. It's time you let ME out. It's time that you lose yourself. Remember. Let's make them remember. How you used to be. How you would just smile it off. How you would say things that people would only want to hear. You've been losing yourself to your anger for a reason. IT DOESN'T PAY TO BE NICE IN THIS WORLD. So fuck you Hafiz.

Paint the mirrors black
To forget you
I still picture your face
And how you used to taste
Roses in the glass
DEAD and WILTED
To you it was all NOTHING
EVERYTHING to you WAS NOTHING

Cos you're so...Filthy
I'm better off without you
You're better off without me
And you're so...UNCLEAN
I'm better off without you
You're better off without me

I'm so empty
You're better off without me
I'm better off without you
And i'm so.....UGLY
You're better off without me
I'm better off without you.

Til FUCKING then.....

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!::: From here on out, i stand on my own

2010-01-04T15:30:00.003+08:00

Playlist: Incubus - Love Hurts

"Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like i'm alive.
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me,
Cos without love I won't survive"

Me: I want to cry
Voice in head: Why?
Me: Cos it's unbearable
Voice: Cry then
Me: Disappointing?
Voice: You're a loser Hafiz.

And with that,

The first tears of 2010 fell.

Why do i even try hard for you??

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!!!::: The world isn't as bad as they make it out to be. <---- Lie of the century

2010-01-04T14:51:00.003+08:00

Playlist: Hoobastank - Same Direction

"I'd like to think that i can go my own way and meet you in the end."

Well hello 2010!!!

I have no idea why but i'm just very excited about this year se. There just seem to be many opportunities this year that i am excited to face. I even made a list of what i wanna do this year!

But before i continue on with my list, I'd like to take this chance to wish Haikal a big and happy 23rd birthday!!! I'm very optimistic about this year for us dude. I really think the both of us is gonna do something big that would change both our lives(Hopefully it's a good thing, not a bad one)

Here we go to the lists!

1) I wanna learn how to rollerblade!!! I've always been wanting to do this since i was young man.

2) More clubbing sessions!! With either the pog or anyone uh. POG would be ideal though cos i really think it'll be an awesome event for us. We could book a hotel room or something just to chill after and stuff.

3)ORD in peace. Believe me, this may sound simple but with all the politics that's happening at work, you'll never know when the noose will tighten on your neck.

4) Holiday!! So far, the only plan that seems to be promising is the Jakarta(or was is Thailand??) trip with Haikal and his cuz NAZ. POG!!! We should go to KL together!!!

5) Valentines day! I wanna do something special for someone this year. No one particularly in mind now but when the time comes, i'll do something about it.

6)Find new hotspots to hand out or eat. This will be an awesome adventure with Haikal. LOL

7) Go to another major concert this year. So far, the line up ain't impressive. I might be going for the paramore concert just to follow my cuz hidayah but that's a ver big and capital MIGHT.

8) Work out more to tone my body. Insyallah, i'll try my best to start and keep on it. More jogging sessions with Ameer and maybe buy weights and have weight sessions with Haikal. I don't think i want to take protein or wadeva. I don't want to be too built. Just a nice cutting will do.

9) Start saving cash. I already started another account. Will probably start saving 100 per month. My mom will help me on this hopefully. I tend to overspend sometimes so a good financial advisor like my mom will help me on the long run.

10) Further my studies. Hopefully, get into a poly. Fingers crossed on this one.

Well, that's my list so far. There's more but i think i'll just go with ten for now. I don't think you readers will be interested to read all of them.

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!::: I am officially addicted to bejeweled. I seriously don't recommend to introduce this game to the mothers out there. Nanti dapur tak berasap nanti =)

2009-12-31T10:59:00.002+08:00

Playlist: There for tomorrow - Burn the night away

"Just let me burn the night away
Oh baby just let me burn the night away
By thinking of the simple things that u say to me
That get me through the day
And it's so hard to catch your feelings
When you always run away
You keep me wide awake...."

2009 has been a big major year for me. Eventful, painful and overall,
a mix of everything.

Well, I'm gonna separate the good and bad for this year:

Bad!!! =(

- My parents divorce

This is basically the main heartache that I felt for the whole year..
I think til now, I haven't yet accepted the fact that my family is
broken but oh well... Not like I didn't try to fix it or anything

-My health conditions: irregular heartbeat

The second top of the bad of this year. I got to know about this early
this year and honestly, I don't give a fuck much about this anymore.
Screw it. It's not as if I went paralyzed on any parts or anything.

-Loss of friends

Yeah..I feel like I lost quite a few friends this year.. I think they
know who I am referring to.. I hate goodbyes honestly but that's all I
can do

-Heartbreak

Lol... Believe it or not, I kinda had a fair few heartbreaks this
year. With whom you ask?? Well, hush darling. I don't show and tell.

-Depression

I suffered from this due to the first 2 reasons on this list. I felt
like I was robbed of everything this year but as always, my dear
awesome friends helped me pull out of this.

Well, that's all the bad that I can think off. I'm pretty sure that's
all of it. Time to go for the positive shall we =)

The good!!!!!! =)))))))))

-HaIkAl syah!!!!

Oh yes. This guy has been awesome throughout the whole year, every
year. It's kind of come to a point in my life where I don't think I
can imagine my life without him already. I guess this year, I managed
to get closer to his family a bit more.

-Nur syafiqah!!!!

Yes, this is the year where i felt like I have found a new best
friend. Always so very busy and always soooo humble. This girlfriend
of mine made a lot of my day this year. From her messages to her fb to
her shenanigans whenever I met her. She's like my walking/portable
entertainer or something. It always feels great to talk to her cos we
can actually talk and not make sense and still have a conversation.
Lol. Oh well, like I said, a major good and on the same rank of
goodness in 2009 as HaIkAl. Thank you for everything =)

-Passing out parade

Passed out of provost course and got my vocation. Now a lance corporal
in the detention barrack. I got promoted on September and I had to go
through a lot of shit working there when I was a junior and for my
promotion test. Plus I had to help my encik to train the new trainees
for 3 intakes. But all that is over and now I got 3 juniors under me
and I'm getting promoted in February to a corporal. I'm not lying when
I say that I enjoy my ns life so far. Good experience for me =)

-Birthday
This was perhaps the first birthday surprise that made me wanna hide
under the table. Really. I wanna thank the people who was there again
cos I really appreciate it. It was awesome. (the collage is hanging
somewhere fine. Dun worry)

-Room makeover

I finally had a room makeover. I felt like it was time for a change
and even though it's not the final product that I wanted, it'll have to
do until I figure out how to get more cash.

-Mr big's concert!!!

Yes, my second big time concert. I honestly think it's better then the
incubus concert that I went to. They were just plain awesome man. I
didn't ever wanted the night to end.

-My new phone =))))))

Finally got a new phone. I is very very happy,

-Hari raya

I actually got mixed feelings abt this one. But I am gonna put this in
the good section cos I had an awesome time with Pog for raya. Just
plain awesome

-Pasta Mia

This deserves a mention. I dun care. The best makan place find of the
year!!!!

Well, I'm pretty sure there is more but these are all the major ones
that I do remember. I'm just gonna make one more list.... The misses

The misses!!!!

-Liverpool!!!

Argh!!!! I cannot believe I missed this one!!! I really wanted to
go!!!!!

-Movies

I missed out on a lot of movies this year. Basically, I just didn't
have the time or there's just no one who wanna go out with me. =(

Well, that's all for now that I can think off

I also wanna take this opportunity to wish Wani a happy 21st birthday.
All the best in what you do and for your future. I am still waiting for your answer missy.

Goodbye 2009
Hello 2010

Lots of things to look forward to.

-ord
-school
-work
-concerts
-friends
-love

Til then =)

Fizzy tipsy!!!!!:::::: You know you love her unconditionally when her happiness is all that matters even if you're not a part of it

2009-12-27T15:18:00.003+08:00

"If you haven't been tested, you certainly will.
And I promise. It's going to kill =)"

I wanna copy and paste something from my dear good friend, Haikal Syah's, blog because honestly, i think it is a view that we both share the same and well i think he says it better then i do. I cannot believe that you're not an article author or something cos my dear friend, you are a genius. I wish you would only update more on that golden mine blog of yours cos it damn hell damn inspire me a lot. And that's one damn too many! Dah, enough of the kembangan intro so here it is, Haikal Syah's article of the year!!! P.s My comments will be in red, the rest is all strictly his golden words. LOLita.

Bastards

I can't believe that the debate about how guys are bastards is still going on.Yes, i cannot believe it too dude..carry on Girls can happily call guys bastards because of the ever so popular view on how men are always the responsible one for break-ups and how men can steal a woman's dignity and value but a girl can't do the same.Who makes all this claims anyway? We guys are human beings too!!! It's not fair man

Honestly some people or should I say most girls, should just learn to keep up with the ages.YES!! =) Those are stories from days of old where men were seen as the superior gender and a woman must always abide to their words and likings.Stone age era really. Nowadays the world has flipped and the girls are the ones sleeping around with random people on first dates and when they get dumped they blame it on the men. Some girls even give their guys too many second chances even after they have been cheated on repeatedly/for very long and when it doesn't work out, it's the guy's fault again. Now who's stupid?The GIRL!

There are perfectly good guys out there and almost every girl has at least 1 sincere, nice guy who admires her and would love to be with her and treat her right but she doesn't want to be with him because he's ugly/poor/not fashionable or she doesn't notice him at all because girls nowadays are looking at all the wrong places such as the Internet and nightclubs.This whole damn paragraph bro, should win you the golden writer's award man. Really. Cos I have been there!! Even til now man!

THINK! People go to clubs to flaunt, get drunk, mingle and flirt and ultimately have fun. They're not looking for happily ever after in there! Not ruling out the possibility of true love blossoming from a meeting in a club but don't go searching with high hopes because you'll only find yourself waking up one day to regret it. I'm tired of reading newspapers/forums and seeing all these women who call men bastards for reasons as stupid as having wasabi in sushi.Just biased slander from the opposite gender really. They either think their mothers are Virgin Marys because apparently their dads are bastards so they don't deserve being called parents or these people are happy with homosexuality and trying to rid the world of men. Here's a quote from me and I'm so damn proud of it I wish I could trademark it.

Guys can't be bastards if Girls aren't stupid so s AMIN!!!!!!!!!!top calling guys bastards, stupid!

Guys in the form of Mats, Ah Bengs and all scum of society DO NOT represent Guys as a whole!Yes, and i am quite sick and tired of playing picking up the pieces by what these assholes have done
So before you get dumped and cheated on and your poor little heart breaks, why don't you ask yourselves why and how did you even end up with that 'bastard' in the first place.Love is blind Learn to protect yourself before harm is brought upon you.Take some kung fu lessons Take preventive measures. Even grandmas know by now not to flaunt their jewellery in public so as to not attract bad attention.Aww man. This is uncalled for, they have no other ways to attract man when they're that old. Calling guys bastards is very insulting especially to dads (and wonderful crime fighters like me). I don't care how bad they were to you because you wouldn't have experienced life if it weren't for them. At least have some damn respect!

So there you have it. I really don't get why girls just won't give nice guys a chance. You all make us feel like we should finish last in line. Oh well. When the time comes, regret will only be your best friend.

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: I love my best friend =)

2009-12-26T18:42:00.002+08:00

Playlist: The Butterfly Effect - 7 days

"7 days,
In the desert of your heart.
Count the ways,
Every footstep to the start.
We got so close this time.
Have you come to take me home?"

Oh we are sooo going to 30 mins at Blackhole!!! Oh yes we are!!!

Played pool and bowling with Haikal and my dad. Awesome man. I almost fell down while bowling. Stupid and embarrassing

EEEEEEEE....I miss you...Honest. But i don't think it matters and that you care. Sigh. Oh well.

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: I am always on the outside looking in

2009-12-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

Playlist: The Fray - Look After You

"There now, steady love.
So few come and don't go.
Will you? Or won't you be the one that i always know?
If I don't say this now, i will surely break.
As i'm leaving the one that i want to take.
Forgive the urgency but won't you please?
Cos my heart has started to separate.."

What if i tell you right now, that i've decided that the next time we meet, would be our last?
That I think it's about time that you choose.
Cos I think i've shown you enough that i will come and stay.
Even though you keep pushing me away.
After all those times that i've been there.
I don't mean to ungkit.
No.
I just don't want to waste anymore time giving you my time.
You know i will always try my best.
Cos the year is coming to an end.
It's been 1 year.
I need to know where i stand and i need to start planning things out.
I won't lie.
Cos i need you.
I WANT to be near you.
But i won't if you don't want me to be there.
So darling, i know times are really hard for you now.
And i hate to put you on the spot.
But it's time you choose.
Cos yes or no.
The next time i meet you.
Will probably be the start.
Or the last.

Til then....

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: NO! I am not jealous of any of the guys in the twilight cast. Why the fuck would i need a big nose(jacob) or look like a drug addict for(ED)???!!!! They should have casted that jacob guy for avatar to be honest. More appropriate.

2009-12-15T23:18:00.003+08:00

Playlist: Chevelle - The Red

"This change he won't contain.
Slip away to clear your mind.
When asked what made it show?
The truth, he gives in to most."

Something is obviously wrong with me recently. I can't seem to control my temper anymore. I keep getting agitated by everything and what's worse, my backlash is really fucked up.

I scolded my junior at work today until he cried. Not to mention the really colorful language that i used to scold him in front of everyone who was there in that room. I argued with my partner Edy today as well just because he wasn't in the mood to help me get a damn key. YES. I punched him on the face just because of a key! A GOD DAMN KEY!!! I argued with Haikal recently as well and i'm starting to think that what he says is right and i'm saying things that's unlike me at all. (But everything is well now =))Oh god, what is happening to me??

Where is the huge patience that i used to have? Where has all the "give in" attitude gone to? Or has my patience reached a boiling point? Have i given in to too much shit that i just can't give a rats ass anymore? Maybe it's just the lack of sleep i'm having. Or maybe.....and i hope not....I have changed.....God i hope not. Help me =(

On another sad note. My dear friend, Afiqhizami, i hope you do rest in peace. I was shocked and broke into tears when i saw your face at the front page of the newpaper involving the bike accident. I wish i was there to melawat but i didn't know that it was held last sunday. You were a great friend and a great person as well. You will be sorely missed.

I'm scared that i will leave this place before i can accomplish what i want. I want to see Haikal getting married to Lin. I wanna see how my pog family grow up and have a full attendance dinner with them and their husbands/wives. I wanna see wani living the life that i promised her but sadly, one that i couldn't keep. I wanna see my mom smiling at me and tearing and telling me how proud she is to have me as her son. I want to make my dad finally acknowledge me. I want to see and find out who is that woman who decides to stay by my side. I want to see the sunset and basking in the sunlight feeling like i've won. Sadly, with the way my health keeps deteriorating...... sigh.......

Dear god. Please give me the strength so that i won't stray away from those i love. Amin.

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: The one who loses isn't always the one who doesn't win

2009-12-13T12:19:00.003+08:00

Playlist: Strata - Poughkeepsie, NY

"Now i know who my real friends are and i can't ask for much more.
So i thank the devil for the drinks and made my way to the door"

I am so shagged. I really should take some time off work soon to rest at home. My room is in a mess(you actually have to plan your steps in order to avoid the obstacles/laundry that is littered everywhere!) and i feel like i've been neglecting my friends.

Although its not as bad as how a friend of mine feels, i think i roughly know how she feels se. Nur syafiqah, I feel for you. ( I used 3 feel in this paragraph. stupid)

And it's funny how you know that i was crying even though we've spent years apart. I guess you still know how i am. Crazy how we still know each other so well after all right?

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: I swear sometimes i say the most fucked up things and i am so sorry.

2009-12-09T11:20:00.002+08:00

Playlist: Sick Puppies - Cancer

"What is it i'm after?
Searching for disaster.
Watching my whole life flashing from before our my eyes.
We've been given answers,
Still we're walking cancers.
Dressed us as life."

Let's be a little bit more positive on this negative post shall we?

I am AWESOMELY tired.

I am now HAPPILY trying to go through this jam packed period.

I got a bunch of ENTHUSIASTIC fuckers for provost course to teach.

I wish someone would give me a HUG for my tired soul.

December has been such a PEACHY bitch so far.

Somebody's comments is SKIPPING wildly in my head and i can't seem to stop thinking about it.

I so HAHAly need a fucking holiday.

Well, on a serious note. You can call me anytime. I will be there for you. Don't hesitate, don't think too much about it. Cos you know if it's you, i'll come running. So please, hang in there.

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: We're all born with that one way track to the grave

2009-12-05T09:39:00.004+08:00

Playlist: 5ive - Closer to me

"Everytime i see your face i miss you lady,
I want to let you know that you're driving me crazy.
I'll do anything to help you to see,
I don't think you understand what you're doing to me.
Every now and then i wanna call you lately,
I'd send prayer that you'd come back to me lady,
Life ain't anything alone can't you see,
You're an angel in my eyes,
Everyday,
You're closer to me."

ARGH!!! I confess!!! I miss those days where boy bands rule the radios, MTV and my music gadgets. Really. I miss 5ive and o-town soooo badly. *Cries like a sissy girl listening to the nostalgic songs...ahhhh...legend*

I wish people would be a little be straightforward with what they actually want some times. I can't read minds and i cannot keep getting the right decisions all the time. So please, at least the nicest thing that anyone can do is actually be a little straightforward instead of making me feel like i'm a prick for not doing what you want.

It's already the month of December and 2009 is coming to a close. I can honestly say that this year has been quite a disappointing year for me. I was expecting to accomplish a few more things then what i have. Oh well. not my time to shine yet.

But 2010. 23. ORD. I am looking forward to it. 2010. I am gonna make it the year that changes everything for me. Wait and see.

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: I am only a part time heart healer.

2009-11-29T18:44:00.003+08:00

Playlist: Rage Against The Machine - Sleep now in the fire

"For it's the end of history.
It's caged and frozen still.
There is no other pill,
so swallow the one that made you ill"

Bear with me for this post. Because i've been doing a lot of thinking at work (yes, i got nothing to do in camp cos apparently, morning shifts on Saturday and Sunday is equal to quality brain juice time.) and this little interesting topic came into mind.

The topic, ladies and gentleman, is LIFE.

I know I still have not aged ENOUGH to actually be talking about this and this post is not about me trying to complain about my life but rather the deciding factors that is built around the topic. Like what you may ask? Well, firstly there's TIME factor and then the DECISION factor.

TIME FACTOR

Face it, most of us(me included) wish we had more time to spend on our youth doing things that we missed. Like playing a little bit more in the rain or soccer after school with friends and just lazing around somewhere and enjoying people's company. Looking back, i think i grew up so darn fast, i forgot that i am now 22.

A lot of us growing up spend most of our time trying to build our future. Yes, we work hard to gain more knowledge, get that little piece of paper and qualifications called diploma/degree and etc. We get so caught up trying to build our FUTURE, we forgot about that one little problem called the PRESENT. Yes, so you will be successful in the future and will live life with ease when you have that qualification but don't you think you will miss out a lot in life trying to achieve it? I mean, your health deteriorates from all the stress that you get from the school work, the sleep you missed will never be replaced and age will affect your view of things. Will you even be healthy or even alive to enjoy what this earth or life has to offer by then? How much will you regret when the most beautiful things that could be appreciated is taken away from you?

Another point about the time factor would be the SHIT life throws at you. 2009 threw so much shit at my face, i felt like i was a portable toilet potty or something. We ALL have problems and how we take it and how we get back up from it shows what kind of a person we are. Some just keeps getting worse and they blame time for making them be that way while others(myself even =) Oh shut up! My blog! So i have bragging rights!) just learn from it and make themselves a better person. So how? How do we actually appreciate the PRESENT and work for the FUTURE with the 24 hours we're given per day? And how do you go through all the thorns and roses of life in one piece? Simple! DECISIONS

DECISION Factor

DECISIONS are totally the bread and butter of your life. That's what I think. Some people think that it's no use deciding on what you want because fate holds what's in hand for you. They believe in the plagued diseased of the century, the "I'll leave it to FATE" disease. PATHETIC! You do realize that by "leaving it to fate", you've already DECIDED to do nothing and sit down on your sorry hopeless ass, hoping that a miracle would happen.

Decisions are such a delicate matter. Really. That's why I HATE making decisions. Not because I am very indecisive but because I cannot bear the consequence that comes with it if i make a wrong one(WHAT AN EXCUSE HAFIZ!!! LOL..but think about it..it's true). Lets picture a scenario shall we?

Haikal: Fiz, where do you wanna eat later? 930 or JP?
Fizzy: erm...930 ah, cos it's nearer and much cheaper.
And so the two stooges go the block 930 and have their dinner which led them to having food poisoning the next day. Fizzy died not because of the food poisoning but because he had to live with the guilt of deciding. =)

Ok, besides the stupid scenario of me dying, you people get my point right? I mean, whatever in life we decide to do, there is always a road that connects to it and a consequence to it. I thought that eating at 930 would be the sensible choice because it's nearer and cheaper but boy did i not expect the ending.

Ok, cutting the crab sticks, what i'm trying to say is, whatever big decisions that you make in your life, there is always repercussions. Things from relationship to how you want yourself to be to the music you listen to to the friends you hang out with to the life you seek, it all depends on you! Decide who you want to be and where you want to be! Don't let the outside stray you far from what and who you are! A friend of mine decided to start smoking again and start losing himself to his wild side. Another friend of mine think she's not the one whom she was due to time and how much shit she has gone through. I have a friend who is enjoying every single minute of his life cos he decided that no shit would ever bring him down and he looks at life as an adventure and looks forward to every decision that he makes. Decide wisely cos time is not on our side people.

Think about it. It's time we all wake up and smell the roses =)

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!!::: My brain amazes myself sometimes. But most of the time, it just irritates the shit out of me

2009-11-28T21:34:00.002+08:00

"What would you say if i told you that all i've thought about,
Is you since you've been gone.
I wish in ways, somehow I could turn this world right back around,
And mend mistakes i've made.

So i could say to you that,
I know, things aren't quite like what they used to be.
Different faces, different places yeah.
We can try, oh, we can try

What would you say if I told you that i'm not giving up.
However long it takes.
It's clear that things have changed since we started.
But we just can't walk away babe.

So I am telling you that,
I know, things aren't quite like what they used to be.
Different faces, different places yeah.
We can try, oh , we can try"

By: Unknown Artist.

Fucking awesome. =)

P.s: No...this is not meant for anyone. ; )

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!:: Do i actually look like a whale when i am sleeping???

2009-11-26T23:31:00.002+08:00

Playlist: There For Tomorrow - I Can't Decide

"Who told you to leave me all alone,
To leave me in the dark,
To leave me in the cold.
Who told you to leave,
Before I could show you,
Half of the man,
That you wanted to know.

But I had to face your last goodbye
The look on my face! My bloodshot eyes!
So who won the war deep down inside?
I can't decide"

I am so ashamed to be in the Malay race category. Really. I don't care what people say about me. I am not PROUD of it. Face it! Our community have crumbled and fallen and rotted like bad tomatoes with no fillings on the inside. 90 percent of our race is smoking. Piercings! Drinking! Neglecting to even care about our religion! WTF!!!

Disrespecting the parents. Killing our own CHILDREN. SWEET MUTHA OF NUTELLA!!!

AND THE WORSE OF IT ALL!! OUR DAMN COMMUNITY CAN STILL HAVE A LOT OF PRIDE AND PROUDNESS AS IF WE STILL DESERVE SOMETHING!!!

Fuck you!

ARGH.. I'm pissed!!!

My karma is gone.

It's your turn now.

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: The ones who give their hearts out without thinking are foolish and stupid

2009-11-25T19:38:00.002+08:00

Playlist: Placebo - Without you, I'm nothing

" I'm unclean, a libertine.
And every time you vent your spleen,
I seem to lose the power of speech.
You're slipping slowly from my reach,
You grow me like an evergreen,
You've never seen the lonely me at all."

Sigh..

H1n1 Vaccination duty

Teach the new provost intake

Starting to get a lil overweight.

Eating pattern starting to get overboard.

My phone is teaching me how to be a berserk monkey.

I am shivering.

And people aren't being nice to me.

Friends are busy.

Haikal is awesome.

I'll leave it to your imagination to make a composition from all that.

Feeling down down down down down

P.S I owe a big apology to anis.

Til then....

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: I'm sorry

2009-11-23T23:13:00.003+08:00

Playlist: 12 Stones - Photograph

" I try to see your face again,
A photograph for me.
Your voice calling out again,
Nothing left for me.
You try to find your place again,
Waiting just to breathe.
Weakness takes your heart again,
You put it to rest. "

I typed out a very long posts but decided against it cos i don't want you to think of it the wrong way.

I guess to make a long story short and simple would be.

Look at me.

And look at you.

We're soo different now. Our life is so far apart.

I am all that i can give.

And sadly,

I don't think I am worth much =(

Til then =(

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::::: Ketam suka makan bubble. =)

2009-11-21T23:20:00.003+08:00

Playlist : Adema - Black Clouds

" It's the black clouds over your head.
It's the monsters under your bed.
As tragic as it might seem.
We can't escape the bad things,
You know what that means."

Today,

I felt depressed.
I felt disappointment.
I felt happiness
I felt so much that i fell speechless.

I learned of someone's simple wish but a wish so strong, tears fell.

I learned that i have been made a problem. If you wish to have more priority to her, go ahead. I will gladly step aside for you to be her main friend as you would call it. You don't have to do what you are doing now. I am seriously hurt by your actions and i've been thinking about what i've done to wrong you in anyway but i can't think of anything. If my presence is really a threat to you then i will gladly not be there. Your eyes won't even have to feel the shame of having to see me around.

To Miss Moving Jar,

Seeing you teared like that breaks me.
It keeps on playing in my mind.
If yours is a wish,
Then mine is a prayer
Everyday, everynight.
Smile aight

Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: An overcooked mango doesn't give you that NGAUM feeling =)

2009-11-17T17:52:00.003+08:00

Playlist: One Republic - Apologize

" I'd take another chance,
Take another fall,
Take a shot for you.
I need you like a heart needs a beat,
It's nothing new.

I loved you with a fire red,
Now it's turning blue
And you say sorry like the angel,
Heaven let me think it was you
But i'm afraid........"

After such an awesome well spent weekend, I totally had zero mood to go to work yesterday night. Even though night shift is like totally awesome!

Although recently things have got.....a little spookier than normal in DB. What with the dog howling and voices being heard. The worst was maybe the..erm...perfume we keep smelling.

I hate this month and next. Looking at my schedule and the list of events coming soon, i am quite disheartened at the amount of free time that i have. Well for starters, I'm on off tml but i have to go back to camp for my PPCT. MY OFF DAY!!! No OFF DAY = NO ONE PIECE!!! BOO!!!!!

Oh and i went and got my hair cut. I look like a dick.

And i miss you =) Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!:: A great friend is determined by what he/she does when he/she could.

2009-11-15T15:29:00.003+08:00

Playlist: Thrice - Send Me An Angel

" If a girl walks in and carves her name in my heart,
I'll turn and run away.
Everyday we've all been led astray,
It's hard to be lucky in love. "

Love.
I am still looking.
Still searching.
Maybe I overlooked.
Maybe you were just there all along
Maybe the time wasn't right
Or maybe, all these maybes' are just medications that i prescribed just to ease my mind

I've always dreamed of my love story.

Sunday.

Waking up from sleep beside her and thinking to myself how lucky i am

I would snuggle and irritate her cos i want her attention from her sleep. A kiss or a smile or a simple ILY would suffice for me to release her from the irritation. =)

I would wake up early and make/buy breakfast for her just so that she can sleep longer.

She would wake up with the sound of the laundry being done and me singing my ass off.

I would just laze around a lil JUST to hear her shriek for me to move my ass to helping her do the house chores.

I would iron her clothes just because she hates doing it and she would fold the laundry as my reward

We would cuddle together on the bean chair watching a movie that we rented.

Or we would just sit together on the sofa as she read her book while I play on furiously on the game console.

I would pamper her by doing her small favors like bringing her a glass of water or going to the provision shop just to get her something that she likes just to make her laze the sunday away.

We could talk about anything and everything and would always giggle and laugh our ass off on the complains we're filing to each other about our week.

I would listen attentively to her favorite songs that she plays from her Itouch and would even learn a line or two just so that i can sing with her while we get ready for bed.

And at the end of the day, all i want from her, is a peck on the cheek. A simple hug. A smile. And the best of it all. Those 3 words.

The point of it all?? I would make your Sundays.

Til then =)

Fizzy's Tipsy!!!!:::: Never play pool with Haikal. He makes impossible shots possible -_-

2009-11-14T04:52:00.002+08:00

Playlist: Between The Trees - White Lines And Red Lights

" Me and you is what matters most.
It's not the intimacy that bring me closer,
To you "

Talking to you made me realize of how excited I am for the future.

I hope you are too =)

Til then....

Fizzy Tipsy!!:: You should always speak out loud when you want to make use of someone =)

2009-11-13T00:02:00.003+08:00

Playlist: There For Tomorrow - Stories

" So tell me what to tell you when the world won't listen
The start to the finish,
Come on and let me hear it

Speak out and use up all the time that you're given
The start to the finish,
Come on and let me hear it
Go on
Go ahead and tell me your stories "

Just got back from shopping and i am totally not happy with my spending. For all the walking that me and Eric did, we just bought one lonely and miserable shirt each. Like what the BLEGH! I still need a new pair of shoe. Haikal Syah! Follow me go queensway this sunday?? :D

As we were heading back in the train, there was this two guys/kids/teenagers who caught my attention. They were both wearing the same colored things and once they started popping their earpiece into their ears, they started dancing. YES. DANCING. The worse part is, they think they're like so cool or something. Because they were just dancing away and looking at their reflection and making "cool" poses and all. Sigh, suka hati kau lah nak. Asalkan kau bahagia sudah.

Well, i am now gonna go on a one piece marathon for the whole night. OFF DAY IS GOOD DAYS. Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy!!!::: No matter how happy you are, there will always be somebody in the farthest branch of your web chart who wishes you unwell.

2009-11-12T00:18:00.003+08:00

Playlist: Bleed The Dream - Broken Wings

"In a perfect world,
I'd never know your name,
And do we even know it when we die?
Or will death just pass us by?
Please just pass us by."

Finally, after like months(exaggeration here), i finally met Haikal!!

Happy gila! Macam meeting a long lost friend or something padahal rumah kat sebelah je! LOL

Was really awesome to see you again dude. Thanks for following me and for the dinner dude!

Oh and we were thinking of really really jamming. At LEAST once before we lose our voice or before arthritis starts inhabiting our joints or something. I want to hear your voice dude!! And Aizat!!! GET ANOTHER GUY TO COMPLETE JANUSIS WILL U!!!!

Meeting up with Eric(another dude whom i haven't met in a millennium) and Ameer tomorrow for shopping. I need new shoes and shirt! And if possible, Jeans!

And i need rowdy rowdy pog! Boo to APEC for stealing my friends away for this weekend!!! Til then =)

Fizzy Tipsy:: Pee doesn't come from the balls. Really. Tak bedek.

2009-11-11T00:29:00.003+08:00

Playlist : The Red Jumsuit Apparatus- Cat And Mouse

"We made plans to grow old
Believe me, there was truth in all the stories that I told.
Lost in a simple game,
Cat and mouse
Are we the same people before this came to light?"

Somebody help me pop the champagne because this blog is finally alive again! After much considering and many opinions, i've decided to keep my blog up and running.

I know it's been a while since i've posted and i can say that many..unexpected..events have happened. I know for certain right now though is that i am feeling much much better than i was a few months back. I admit, life just gets better and better when you throw away the dead wood from your baggage.

I've been really busy with work lately and i am really shagged. Ever since the new Provost Commander in Charge took his seat, he's been doing nothing but complain and shouting his mustache off at the provosts in charge of Detention Barrack. I sooo don't look forward to morning shifts anymore. Ugh.

I'll be taking off on this weekends. I know i've been really busy and i WILL be busier soon so anyone who misses me, pls do spend at least 5 cents to msg me or tag my board and we can go and be rowdy. hee hee. Til then.

Fizzy's Tipsy!!!: To all panty snatchers, there is an alternative and a less risk solution to your sniffing fantasies. It is said that bacon smells like a girl's punani(i dunno who told me this) so go crazy on it instead. =)

I feel like i'm really on the last of my breath

2009-09-22T19:42:00.005+08:00

"Abang. If i give you $500 a month, will you just stay with ayah? Cos Mama and Zul(my future step dad) have been thinking that we would love to have you around but i dun think wani(my future step sister...well...soon to be dead step sister once i kill her) will take it too well."

Great news isn't it. I'm being sold for 500 bucks a month. Why not just sell me off to a child slave trade mom?

To anyone and everyone that matters!
If you don't want me around. Just tell me aight. Dun try to cover up and give me hope and try to take "CARE" of my feelings.

Liability
Over reliant on someone
Very Blegh
Emotionally draining

Thats what love is in my dictionary now.

And i am now officially feeling down and out and the lowest point i have ever been before.

I'm giving up on myself
And i'm giving up on everything

I don't feel alive anymore
It's time that YOU turn off this machine
Cos it's the only thing thats keeping me alive.

Forgive me.

To you missy

2009-09-21T00:22:00.002+08:00

Awesome Song

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Cos girl you make me smile

=) =) =)

=)